Psychology Articles

Most people think that dreams have no meaning at all, or that they are merely reflections of our emotions and fears. Even those who believe that our dreams contain certain information about our psychological condition cannot believe that the importance of the meaning of dreams must be respected above anything else.

On the other hand, dream interpretation has been distorted by so many impostors for so many years that nobody can completely trust any interpretation. Even psychologists who try to find information about the psychological issues reflected in their patients’ dreams have distorted the real meaning of the dream language with their suppositions.

My work puts an end to all doubts. I prove that only the psychiatrist and psychologist Carl Jung could decipher the hidden meaning of the symbolic dream language after arduous research.

While all psychologists relate the meaning of their patients’ dreams to the scientific knowledge they have (since they try to cure their patients based on their studies) Carl Jung was the only one who understood that we have to look for the meaning of the dream language by following a totally different route.

Jung understood that he had to discover the meaning that the dream images found in everyone’s dreams had for various civilizations, in different historical times. Therefore, he looked for the way that each civilization interpreted a dream about the same images.

He discovered that there was a repetition of images. For example, the snake is a very important dream symbol for all the civilizations of the world. Then, he saw that the snake has also a religious meaning for many civilizations and that it appears in many artistic representations. Therefore, he started looking for the meaning of the dream images reflected also on artistic and religious manifestations by all civilizations.

His research was too complex. Only a very meticulous and patient scientist like him could make such research and discover the truth.

The snake represents the intervention of divine providence. The dreamer who has a dream about a snake will be punished for making a serious mistake, and face a bad event in his or her life. This bad event will put a definitive end to the mistake that the dreamer is making, but in a painful way.

The punishment is bitter because the dreamer shouldn’t make this mistake, but it will help him/her stop making a mistake that would ruin his life. This is why the snake represents the intervention of divine providence. God saves the dreamer’s sanity by sending him a bad event that will make him stop doing what is negative for him (and would make him lose his mind).

This means that if you want to prevent suffering after having a dream about a snake, you must seriously follow dream therapy and obey the guidance you have in your dreams. You can understand which mistake you are making and stop making it by following the unconscious guidance, without having to be punished by a bad event.

This also means that your dreams are as important as your religion, since they save you from what is bad.

Jung didn’t want to mix science to religion. He didn’t have a religious attitude after discovering that the unconscious mind that produces our dreams is God’s mind.

I had a religious attitude because I recognized that I was saved from craziness through dream interpretation, the same way that the symbolic meaning of the literary book I wrote after suffering from a tragic car accident saved my mental stability by showing me the truth.

Jung discovered that the unconscious mind was God’s mind before me, but he didn’t perceive the unconscious sanctity. My literary talent and my religious education in a Catholic school helped me understand the religious importance of this scientific discovery.

I completed the religious part of the research made by a psychiatrist. I’m a literature writer who is also a prophet, even though I ignored the fact that my literature contained wise messages sent by the divine unconscious mind thanks to my magical inspiration.

I discovered that God sends us secret messages in dreams because He protects us from our evil nature. We are basically demons, since we have inherited a huge absurd conscience, which occupies the biggest part of our brain.

I precisely followed Jung’s steps up to the point where he accepted ignorance and he stopped his research. He was afraid of finding craziness in the human brain, and he was right.

I had to continue his dangerous research and face craziness. I had to see how I could completely eliminate all the craziness contained in my brain in order to help everyone get rid of all mental illnesses.

I had no alternative. If I wouldn’t be a hero, I would become schizophrenic like my father. I had to discover the existence of the anti-conscience, and fight its craziness before completely losing my human conscience.

My real example proves that Carl Jung did discover the real meaning of dreams, since I could continue his research based on his method of dream interpretation, and clarify all the obscure points in his work.

My work doesn’t contradict his discoveries in any point. In the end I had to disagree with Jung’s last conclusions and follow the unconscious guidance, independently of his lessons, because he ignored the existence of the anti-conscience and he didn’t completely trust the unconscious mind. However, my work is basically a continuation of his work.

This means that you can trust the dream translations based on Carl Jung’s discoveries and based on my discoveries after continuing his research. These translations really translate the unconscious words.

You can also trust the guidance you have in your dreams because the unconscious mind has a saintly nature. The divine unconscious mind always saves your mental stability and always helps you evolve.

Christina Sponias continued Carl Jung’s research into the human psyche, discovering the cure for all mental illnesses, and simplifying the scientific method of dream interpretation that teaches you how to exactly translate the meaning of your dreams, so that you can find health, wisdom and happiness. Learn more at: http://www.scientificdreaminterpretation.com Click Here to download a Free Sample of the eBook Dream Interpretation as a Science (86 pages!).

I transformed the complicated method of dream interpretation discovered by Carl Jung into a simple, fast, and clear method of instant translation from images into words. However, in order to simplify his complicated method, I had to translate numerous dreams for two decades, and compare many different cases.

Thanks to my simplifications, understanding a dream today is not the big challenge it used to be in the past.

I’m going to give you an example by translating a dream scene dreamt by a 30 – 40 years old woman. She is divorced.

I cannot reveal more details about the dreamer’s life or tell you the entire dream because this was a private dream translation. I’m only using the translation of this dream scene from one of her dreams in order to give you a lesson, without exposing the dreamer in any way.

Here is the dream scene that I’m going to analyze:

‘Mr XY would come to swim meets with me to watch my children swim.’

Mr XY is the dreamer’s perfect match.

Dream translation:

Here is the first important dream symbol in this dream. Your children were swimming in a swimming pool.

When you have a dream about swimming in a swimming pool this means that you are looking for an unknown truth.

However, you should be swimming in the ocean if you wanted to learn the truth. The swimming pool is too limited, and it doesn’t contain the real truth. In the swimming pool you find a false and superficial truth.

Therefore, swimming in a swimming pool in dreams means that you are wasting your time; you are looking for the truth in the wrong place.

Your children represent your moral image. They are the moral image you present to the world.

Since your children are swimming in a swimming pool while Mr XY is watching them, this means that your perfect match is observing how your moral image is trying to discover the truth about him and his life.

In other words, Mr XY is observing you pretend that you are looking for the truth about him, while in fact you are not. You are only wasting your time.

Why are you merely pretending to look for the truth about him? Because your moral image is looking for the truth (your children), and not you.

In other words, you are showing to the world (and therefore, also to Mr XY) that you are looking for the truth about him because your moral image is looking for the truth. However, you are not really looking for the truth because this is a research that you should make, and not your children.

You represent your ego in dreams.

Therefore, this is a research that your ego should make, and not your moral image.

Since Mr XY was observing your moral image make a research in the wrong place, this means that you are showing him that you are looking for the truth about him in the wrong place: the swimming pool, and not in the sea, where the truth really is.

In other words, Mr XY understands that you are only superficially trying to find out more about him and his life.

You should look for true information about him in the sea, where the truth is hidden, and not in the swimming pool.

Why is your moral image researching the truth in the wrong place? Because you are not making a serious research. For example, you are simply looking for information about Mr XY’s family online, while this is not the type of information you should be looking for.

You let your moral image look for the truth about Mr XY instead of looking for the truth yourself because you are not having a responsible attitude. You should care about finding out who Mr XY really is, and the issues that he is facing now. You have to learn more about his life and his feelings.

This part of the dream indicates that Mr XY probably had traumatic experiences in the past, which had a negative impact in his life. You are not trying to understand what really happened to him. You must investigate this matter.

There are many things about him that you ignore.

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

This dream scene may seem to be complicated to your eyes because it follows a different logic. However, I could easily discover the intention of the unconscious mind by translating the meaning of the dream symbols that appear in this scene, and by relating this information to the dreamer’s life story.

If I would directly translate this dream scene without giving explanations to the dreamer, the translation will simply be:

‘Your perfect match is observing you while you pretend to investigate more about him and his life. However, you are merely wasting your time.’

The translation of this dream scene seems to be complicated for you only because you ignore the dream language.

The complication is caused by the way that you look at the dream images. You have in mind the meaning that these images have for you in your daily life. You don’t identify their symbolic meaning.

For example, you could believe that this dream was giving information to the dreamer about what her perfect match thinks about her children, since he was watching them swim. However, her children have a symbolic meaning in dreams. They represent the dreamer’s moral image.

This dream was criticizing the dreamer’s attitude and showing her that she was making mistakes. It was not giving her information about the man she loves. This dream was showing her that she was looking for superficial information about her perfect match, while she should care about his personal life, his past, and his traumas.

Christina Sponias continued Carl Jung’s research into the human psyche, discovering the cure for all mental illnesses, and simplifying the scientific method of dream interpretation that teaches you how to exactly translate the meaning of your dreams, so that you can find health, wisdom and happiness. Learn more at: http://www.scientificdreaminterpretation.com Click Here to download a Free Sample of the eBook Dream Interpretation as a Science (86 pages!).

In the beginning you have to study the meaning of dreams according to the scientific method of dream interpretation discovered by Carl Jung, and simplified by me, who continued his research, clarifying all the obscure points in his work. I transformed the complicated dream language into a comprehensible language that everyone can understand.

After studying the meaning of the symbolic dream language made only by images for a while (the same way you study any foreign language made only by words) you will easily understand the meaning of all dreams. Of course, some dreams are simple, while other dreams are complicated, but you will be able to easily translate the meaning of any dream by following my simplification of Carl Jung’s method of dream interpretation.

For example, here is a very simple dream. If you know the meaning of the dream symbols discovered by Carl Jung and by me, who continued his research explaining the meaning of numerous dream symbols that he couldn’t explain, you will easily understand the unconscious messages:

‘Richard was walking in the dark street, when he saw three snakes crawling on the sidewalk. He manages to go to the other side of the city, where he found a beach. There was a policeman there, looking for a thief. Someone had stolen a house near there.’

We must learn a few details about the dreamer’s life story and the issues he is facing now in order to properly translate this dream. Richard is a 30 – 40 years old unmarried man who has a low self-esteem. He recently met an interesting woman he liked very much, but he is afraid that she didn’t feel the same for him. She was simply very polite and professional with him.

Dream Translation:

‘Richard was walking in the dark street’

The street indicates that the dreamer is in a dangerous life situation.

He ignores many things about himself and about his reality. This is the meaning of darkness in dreams.

‘when he saw three snakes crawling on the sidewalk.’

The number three indicates that the dreamer is not using three of his four psychological functions (thoughts, feelings, sensations, and intuition). He is making his decisions based on only one psychological function.

This means that he is making wrong decisions because his conscience is one-sided.

The snakes in dreams represent bad events that will put an end to the dreamer’s mistakes. In other words, he will have to pass through bitter experiences in order to stop repeating costly mistakes originated by his one-sided conscience.

‘He manages to go to the other side of the city, where he found a beach.’

The city indicates a dangerous environment, which indicates a dangerous life situation, like the street.

This means that the dreamer managed to abandon one danger (the city) to find another danger: the beach. The beach is near the sea, which represents craziness in dreams.

Therefore, in order to avoid certain danger about a reality that he ignored (the dark street), Richard found another danger. The sea in dreams represents the unknown content of the human psyche where craziness is hidden.

‘There was a policeman there, looking for a thief.’

The policeman in dreams represents the dreamer’s self-defense.

The thief is a negative part of his personality that belongs to his anti-conscience (the wild side of his conscience).

Therefore, his self-defense is looking for a part of his personality that belongs to his absurd and evil anti-conscience because the dreamer understands that he lost his psyche (the house in dreams) because certain part of his personality fell in love with the wrong person.

His anti-conscience is misleading him and making him believe that the woman he met is the ideal one for him.

In other words, he tried to avoid certain danger, and this is why he accepted the absurdity of his wild conscience. The danger he tried to avoid was to look for his perfect match. He preferred to accept the absurdity of his anti-conscience. In the end, his self-defense had to look for the part of his personality that let the wrong woman steal his psyche.

‘Someone had stolen a house near there.’
When a house is stolen in dreams this means that the dreamer loses his psyche because he falls in love with someone who is not the right person for him.

Therefore, his anti-conscience made him fall in love with a bad woman who will only make him suffer. This is how the anti-conscience will manage to destroy his human conscience and control his behavior.

This dream was a warning. The woman he met was not the ideal one for him. He will pass through many bitter experiences trying to conquer her heart, while she is not the right partner for him. Even if he will manage to have a love relationship with her, she won’t make him happy.

The fact that he is unmarried and insecure is making him accept the absurdity of his anti-conscience. He is desperately looking for a partner, while he is too afraid of a love relationship.

Richard must keep following dream therapy in order to stop being influenced by his anti-conscience and develop all his psychological functions. This is how he will overcome his fears and become self-confident. When he will transform his personality, he will find his perfect match.

His dreams and his life work in parallel, and are strictly connected. When he will become mature enough, he will meet the ideal woman for him. First of all he must learn how to behave.

Christina Sponias continued Carl Jung’s research into the human psyche, discovering the cure for all mental illnesses, and simplifying the scientific method of dream interpretation that teaches you how to exactly translate the meaning of your dreams, so that you can find health, wisdom and happiness. Learn more at: http://www.scientificdreaminterpretation.com Click Here to download a Free Sample of the eBook Dream Interpretation as a Science (86 pages!).

In ordinary daily conversation when someone observes that a friend, family member or colleague “has a complex” about something, we generally mean that they seem to have a “sore spot” about the subject, or that they seem to have a recognizable pattern of reactions when certain situations or subjects arise.

These are good layman’s observations which capture two of the most central qualities of what psychologists call “complexes”

1. They are developed around psychological wounds.

2. They have a repetitive, stereotypical quality.

Carl Jung describes complexes

The first psychologist to describe and discuss this psychological phenomenon was Carl Jung. Jung wrote about what he called “feeling-toned complexes of ideas”. The phrase was later abbreviated to “complexes”.

His original description however, adds an important further detail to our understanding of the complex.

3. Complexes have a particular emotional tone or value.

Complexes can be personal or impersonal.

There are certain situations which are so common and universal in human experience that in all times and all places, human beings seem to have evolved complexes of ideas and behaviors around them.

Archetypal complexes are not personal. They arise around essential human experiences such as leadership, romantic love, death, birth, the image of the hero, the trickster, the wise man or woman, the child and many others.

Our organized emotional and behavioral responses to these concepts suggests that they are inherent or instinctive patterns of reaction in human beings.

Personal complexes have both a universal and an individual aspect

Sigmund Freud’s famous Oedipus and Electra complexes describe the universal tensions within the parent-child relationship as the child becomes aware the limits and restrictions in regards to their intimate relationship with their opposite sex parent. The intensity and problem producing quality of this universal experience will vary depending on the real life characteristics of the parents and the family situation.

Fears of losing love and support of parents, feeling inferior, feelings of competition with siblings or peers, fears of being rejected or outcast from the group are universally frightening situations that need to be defended against psychologically by all human beings.

Because complexes are organized around a particular emotional tone, they can be positive or negative.

For example:

A positive mother complex expects all older women or “motherly” figures to be loving and helpful, but a negative mother complex treats all the women who trigger it as bad, demanding or dangerous.
A complex about authority can automatically treat authority figures positively as saviors or, negatively as exploiters.

How does a personal psychological complex develop?

A personal complex is a defense system that we develop after an emotional injury. It is a set of ideas, attitudes, expectations, behaviors… and the feelings that accompany them… that we unconsciously hope will avert a similar disaster in the future.

The typical behavioral strategies developed within complexes are common strategies of human relating:

Pleasing, appeasing, avoiding, aggressiveness, competition, withdrawal and many others.The difference between using interpersonal strategies inside and outside of a complex is that once they begin to function within a complex they become automatic and stereotypical. The same response appears in every triggering situation, whether it is appropriate and helpful or not.

Several complexes can be activated at any one time.

You may function perfectly normally with most people around a meeting table at work but if you have a “sister complex” (about being competitive with your historical sister), that complex runs like a computer application under the surface and turns itself on automatically when you have to speak to a particular female colleague.

You may behave competitively with her without realizing it….even while you are being perfectly reasonable with everyone else.
You could at the same time have a father complex operating which affects your responses to your supervisor and an abandonment complex that kicks in when your ideas are rejected.
You could have an inferiority or a superiority complex also running which color your interactions with others in a self-critical or self-aggrandizing way.

It is easy to see how having activated complexes can cause no end of interpersonal strain and misery.

“Everyone knows nowadays that people ‘have complexes’. What is not so well known, though far more important theoretically, is that complexes can have us.” – C. G. Jung (1948, para 200)

Complexes are originally well intended and aimed at protecting us from pain and danger.

But as they become automatic and autonomous they can cause no end of trouble because when a complex is activated we do not really control it.

Jung said, “An activated complex puts us momentarily under a state of duress, of compulsive thinking and acting”. (Jung CW 8 pg 96)

A well-developed complex can collect around itself enough memories, experience and feelings that it can begin to function like a partial or “splinter” personality. If the triggering situation is strong enough it can even sometimes temporarily hi-jack the ego. This state is called “identification with the complex” and in this situation the worldview of the complex temporarily takes priority. When we emerge from one of these states we may say:

“I have no idea what got into me”,”That was so unlike me”or “I don’t know what possessed me!”

These reactions capture the sense that we have responded from a part of ourselves that was not actually under our conscious control. There are even times when we cannot fully remember what we said while we were influenced by a complex, or we may have a sense of having been “watching” ourselves say and do outrageous and uncharacteristic things.

When we see another person captured by a complex we may see a noticeable change of expression, of posture or of tone of voice and say, “He was not himself.”

A complex is a distorting lens.

In order to maintain it’s integrity as a splinter personality and to carry out the protective mission which is it’s reason for existing, the filter of a complex will screen out or dismiss as unimportant any new, confusing or contradictory information and will prefer to concentrate on those situations which support it’s world view.

This is why a person who is in the grip of a complex is so maddeningly impossible to reason with and so rejecting of contradictory information offered by others.

A woman who is in the grip of a complex about men’s infidelity will never feel reassured by her husband’s claims of love and assurances that he will not leave her, no matter how many ways he proves himself.

Identify the characteristic components of your particular complexes.

As you start to examine experiences that you notice or that are pointed out to you as strange, you will probably notice that they always seem to occur in particular circumstances, such as….

When your partner is leaving for a trip
When you have been criticized for something
When you experience or suspect rejection

…or with a particular sort of person.

Trying to please or interest a “fatherly” type of man
Being jealous or competitive with a certain kind of woman.
Feeling “weak” whenever faced with an authority figure

As you become able to predict when you may be triggered, you become empowered to choose to take another kind of action or to disregard the impulses from your complex.

Two other signs that someone is captured by a complex:

The emotions expressed seem overly intense for the situation that triggered them
Language is peppered with absolutes and extremes: “always”, “never”, “Nobody ever”,”everyone always”

Recognizing the experience “after the fact” is helpful because it permits you to engage in “damage control.”

The more skilled you become at identifying your complex-driven behavior, the quicker you will be able to say “I did it again” and take action to repair the situation by apologizing, explaining or trying again in a different frame of mind.

Because complexes both fight to survive and arouse fear and resistance when we try to examine them, it is often helpful to work together with an outside person.

It is necessary to uncover and face these automatic responses because a complex can act like a poorly trained attack dog, snarling and snapping at (or inappropriately cuddling up to) friend and foe alike, causing terrible disruptions in your relationships with friends and colleagues which are based on out-dated fears, feelings and reactions.

A psychologist, counselor or trusted friend can help you identify patterns of response that are hard to recognize from inside and will support you in experimenting with alternative ways of dealing with your fears.

NB: If your therapist works in a cognitive-behavioral model (CBT) he or she may be more familiar with the term “schema” which is another way of talking about the same phenomenon.

As you begin to oppose your complexes with conscious understanding and choose effective real-world strategies to deal with the “dangers” that complexes were developed to handle, they will lose their power because they lose their necessity… and you may have the pleasant experience of having your long-standing complex-driven problems collapse like a house of cards.

Susan Meindl, MA, is a licensed psychologist in private practice in Montreal Canada. She has a special interest in Jungian ideas and practices a Jungian approach to psychodynamic psychotherapy

http://therapists.psychologytoday.com/rms/59983

While many are still reeling from the recent painful Penn State scandal, I fervently hope that this will be a tremendous learning lesson for our society. As a treatment professional of sex offenders as well as victims, I would like to address some dynamics of perpetrators and witnesses that the public in general is perhaps unaware of.

What do child molesters look like? Your grandfather, your brother, your aunt, your employee, and yes, brilliant college football coaches. No one is all good or all bad; and sex offenders are no exception. They may be extremely talented, intelligent, successful, good-looking, blessed with beautiful families and “normal” sexual outlets. They cover all walks of life: early 20’s through 70’s, all ethnicities, races, religions, IQ levels, education, sexual orientations, and all socioeconomic strata. They don’t all look like “perverts.” There is no typical profile.

In psychology, there is a basic belief that “What is beautiful is good.” Therefore, if someone who is beautiful (or does beautiful things) does something bad, it creates cognitive dissonance, a confused state of being that can block comprehension and appropriate action. It is fairly easy for us to believe that an unattractive, low-achiever could commit sex crimes against children, and we then vilify the “pervert,” even after he/she admits it and works to control it.

Many child molesters and pedophiles actually hate themselves for what they consider uncontrollable urges and would get help if they knew where to turn. Sadly, the global belief is that they cannot be helped, and most reoffend. Fortunately, this is completely false. With treatment, the recidivism rate is between 5%-13%, much lower than for non-sex crimes (US Dept of Justice; Bureau of Statistics). While there is no cure for an attraction to children, it can be managed much like substance addictions. Again, therapy and support are crucial to success.

Adults fail to intervene and report abuse for a variety of reasons, one of the most salient being denial or minimization of the offense. This is enabling, and enablers are more culpable than offenders, who can be “crippled” by their disorder. Enablers do not want the offense to be a reality, and keenly hope that it will just “go away,” particularly if it involves a celebrity or someone we really admire. The American culture all but deifies sports figures. We want heroes, and athletes and coaches bespeak health, fitness, confidence, winning, and an all- American wholesomeness that blinds some of us to their blemishes or weaknesses. While not excusing their response to the recent accusations at Penn State, Joe Paterno, Mike McQueary, Spanier, et al, I believe, were caught in this immobilizing, enabling position. While it appears that they put football before the wellbeing of children, potentially what was occurring was their inability to comprehend the severity of the crime and respond appropriately. Their actions may have been completely different and appropriate if the perpetrator were a stranger and not part of the success machine of Penn State Football.

Let us all use this tragedy as an opportunity to learn proper protocol for reporting abuse, even when an abuser attempts to exploit his/her position. Sexual abuse affects us all. This is a public health issue that can be resolved when the media and public move beyond sensationalism. Let’s offer help not only to the victims, but also to the abusers, for the best way to help victims is to help abusers. Let’s focus on accountability, responsibility, solutions, and management vs. blame, demonizing, and retribution.

Dr. Nancy B. Irwin is a Los Angeles-based psychotherapist/therapeutic hypnotist, and author of nonfiction YOU-TURN: CHANGING DIRECTION IN MIDLIFE, a collection of over 40 stories of people over 40 who made successful life transitions.

http://www.drnancyirwin.com http://www.makeayou-turn.com

Below is a list of things a narcissist might say to anyone – Friends, Family or even their own Children.

“After all the money I have lent you”

To change the subject of the argument, this is to make you feel guilty and put the ball back in their court. How can you argue with this wonderful person who lends you money. When in this situation, remember what the original argument was about and do not get side tracked from it. Say “No, you’re going off the point now, I’m talking about….”

“After everything I have done for you”

Again, if the narcissist feels like they are losing the argument they will change the subject to a time when you needed them… “After all I have done for you, when you needed a place to stay, when you needed a lift, when you needed that favor” This will be completely off the subject but if you let them you will end up arguing about it and ultimately apologizing for your disrespectful behavior.

“You don’t RESPECT me”

This is a very common one, narcissist’s think they deserve respect regardless to how they behave. If you answer them back, If you don’t do as your told, If you look at them the wrong way, If you are disrespectful! A narcissist will even start an argument and when you try and defend yourself they will always throw in the ‘RESPECT’ card. Just remember, nobody can demand respect, respect has to be earned!

“You never say thank you / They never say thank you”

Chances are you say thank you all the time, more so than most people. The thing is narcissist’s expect recognition for everything they do, and I mean everything. Don’t think for one minute that they are doing it out of the goodness of their hearts. You had better say “Thank You” – or else!

“You will regret doing/saying that one day”

Another guilt trip, you probably didn’t say anything bad at all. Just remember though, unless they are talking about murder, bank robbery or drinking a bottle of vodka a day, chances are you WON’T regret doing it one day.

“You will be sorry once I am gone”

This is an awful guilt trip, often used on siblings to get in the final word. If the narcissist is losing the argument or feels like they are backed into a corner (usually from their own doing) they will go to any length to get out of it. Reminding you of the fact that one day they will die and you will remember all the horrible things you did to them. These tactics are often used on young siblings, that is when they have the most impact and are the most upsetting. I mean why would any normal person want to say that to a 13 year old!

“Stop being so serious / You can’t take a joke”

Usually when a narcissist has insulted you and you have taken offense, NO it really wasn’t meant as a joke, it was meant to hurt your feelings, but when you get upset about it you can’t take a joke. It is actually narcissist’s who can’t take a joke. When it happens, bite your tongue, do not give them the satisfaction of letting them know you are bothered. After all, an argument is what they are really after!

“What will people say? / What will people think?”

Most narcissist’s are obsessed with the image they portray of themselves and their family to other people. As a narcissist’s child you had better watch what you say or do that could tarnish that image! This is called ‘False Self’. The real narcissist (how you know them), and the ‘False Self’ (how everyone else knows them). Because everyone thinks this person is kind, loving and caring and takes such good care of their children whenever you try to say otherwise nobody believes you!

“You can’t do that… You can’t wear that… Because I said so… That’s why”

Narcissist’s are very controlling. Whenever questioned as to why you can’t do what they are telling you you can’t do, you will get answers like “Because I said so”, “That’s Why”,”Because I’m the Mother!” Normal people will give reasons why they are not allowing you to do something, but when the reason is to enforce power or be awkward, these are the answers you can get. Try using reverse psychology, if you want to wear the red coat, say you want to wear the white one. If you want them to visit on Saturday say, “you can come round any day except Saturday” chances are on Saturday they will be knocking on your door.

“This is my house”

This is simply showing you who is boss! You might be their child, and live in the house but let’s make it clear, this is not your house. “Do you pay the mortgage, the bills, the phone bill, TV license, Council tax? NO! So this is my house, when you do you can call it your house!” But mum, I’m only 11 years old.

“They’re just jealous”

Narcissist’s are very jealous people, they are jealous of people who are better looking, people with more money, better car, better house. So in turn they think everyone else is like them… Not true, most people couldn’t care less and are happy for other peoples hard work or good fortune. They certainly aren’t jealous of that overpriced £800 ring you just purchased from the jewellery channel.

“Have you seen what he/she is wearing”

Picking fault with other people is a good way to make the narcissist feel better about themselves, snide remarks about peoples clothes, makeup, weight etc… Chances are you’re no oil painting yourself you know!

“I’ve got a headache too, I had a terrible night too, I’ve got a sore throat too”

You can never be ill when a narcissist is around, they will always be far worse. If you have a cold, they have the flu, you have a headache, they have a migraine, you have a sore throat, they have tonsillitis. God only knows what would happen if you chopped your arm off!

“Have you seen how dirty their house is”

Chances are the narcissist’s house will be spotless, not a spec of dirt anywhere, show home standard. They probably even have a cleaning day, yes that’s right a whole day where they will clean their house from top to bottom every week. How can you compete with that, no wonder your house isn’t up to scratch. But come on, would you really want to be that sad!

“I love you, but I don’t like you right now”

This is a narcissist’s way of saying “you have got some making up to do”, you had better be on your best behavior and not be disrespectful, and don’t forget that all important apology. Maybe in a week or so the house will get back to normal, well until the next tantrum anyway!

“I love you more than you could know / I love you so much”

“What?” I hear you say, “Do narcissist’s really say those words”, well yes of cause they do… When they are lying or drunk! A narcissist will often mimic other peoples emotions, love is one of them, as they do not feel love it would most certainly be a lie, so these words are very difficult for them to say. They do come out a lot easier when they have had a few sherbets though.

“It’s not as good / nice / tasty / expensive as mine”

That new ring you have purchased, painting in the sitting room, Sunday dinner you have slaved over all morning… “Yes it was lovely, but I prefer the one I did a few weeks ago” Wow, look at that, a compliment and insult in the same sentence!

“Have you seen my new coat / ring / dress… It cost this much!”

We all know these people “Do you like my new dress for so and so’s wedding, It was £500 you know, I had the personal shopper at the store help me pick it out”. Narcissist’s think as they think, that you will be jealous and envious of them, the truth is no one likes a bragger, to get right up their nose say something like “oh yes that’s lovely, but I don’t think that color suits your skin tone”.

“I have just paid for that for you / bought you your dinner”

Narcissist’s will always throw situations where they paid for something back in your face, and they NEVER forget. A dinner date, birthday lunch, some food shopping because you are short that month. The truth is they don’t do it to be kind as any parent would, they do it because it gives them ammunition for the next argument. My advise is NEVER, EVER lend or accept money as a gift from a narcissist, they will always have a hold on you and will ALWAYS use it against you in future disputes!

“They are just copying off me”

Narcissist’s can be very petty and they really do think that people copy off them. The new dress the lady down the street was wearing is the same as theirs… They must have copied. Or maybe they just went into the same store!

“Just say if you don’t want me to visit, I won’t mind”

This is a good way for the narcissist to reinforce the fact that they are invited to your home. The truth is, they will mind, they will mind a lot. Think very carefully before you say “I am very busy, I would prefer it if you came round tomorrow” This will not go down well and could result in a weeks worth of sulking!

“I’m not inviting them… they aren’t family!”

This for me was always one I could never understand, a close niece, or a ’special’ friend of the narcissist’s for some reason might be alone on Christmas day or any other special occasion could just be cast aside and not invited because it’s ‘Family Only’. Just goes to show the narcissist has no empathy for others, even the people most close to them!

“I don’t deserve this / I don’t need this right now”

Chances are the narcissist has sparked up yet another petty argument, when you retaliate they turn it round by saying “I don’t deserve this” etc.. This is just another tactic to make you feel guilty and apologize yet again for something you haven’t done.

“Don’t speak to me like that”

Generally this is because you have retaliated to something they said to you first, well it works both ways. Don’t speak to me like that and I won’t speak to you like that back!

“It’s not what you say, it’s the tone of your voice”

This is a form of projection, it is actually narcissist’s that use voice tone to change the way things were said, they can make something you said sound as horrible as they want by changing the tone of their voice. This can be very frustrating when they are telling on you to your enabling father, making it sound 20 times worse than it really was. Oh here we go again, looks like I’m going to owe her another apology!

“She is not just my friend, she’s my special friend, we’re more like sisters”

Narcissist’s will only have a few friends, or maybe only one, but that friend will be a special friend, one that is like a sister. That way the narcissist can make her friend more important than yours. “Oh so and so might be your friend but bla bla is a special friend” Ultimately making your friend seem less important than hers.

“Oh I can’t remember, it was a long time ago / I’ve had a few sleeps since then”

Narcissist’s are like elephants, they NEVER forget. So to be told “I can’t remember” will be an out and out lie. Chances are you have asked them for their advise and as they will get nothing in return they are not willing to tell you or you have brought up something from the past that touches a nerve, it is easier for them to tell you they have forgotten than to have to explain their actions.

“They aren’t really ill, they are just putting it on”

Narcissist’s will never have sympathy for anyone, they just don’t have them emotions. Anyone who is ill, and has a day off work will be faking. When the shoe is on the other foot though the narcissist wants all the sympathy in the world. If you want to stay in their good books you had better ask them how they are doing, maybe a get well soon card will help!

“It’s not my fault”

Narcissist’s will never admit anything was their fault, even when they are backed into a corner they will say something like “I’m sorry I hurt your feelings, but it wasn’t meant to come across like that, it’s not my fault, your just over-sensitive”. The truth is, it probably was their fault, the easiest thing and the thing that will bother them the most is if you do not react, the reaction is what they are after.

“I swear on your life that’s how it happened”

This is generally a way of reinforcing a lie, most normal people would never swear on their children’s lives if something is not true, if at all. Not a narcissist though, swearing on peoples lives is the ultimate way to say “see, what I told you is true, it has to be I swore on your lives” This to me is a very disturbing act!

“I think you have made that up”

Ultimately this is the same as calling you a liar to your face. It is very annoying when someone tells you you are making something up when it is true, if you were a narcissist you would just swear on someone’s life, but as you don’t have that luxury you spend countless hours trying to explain why what you are saying is true. narcissist’s are by nature lairs, really good ones at that, but by projecting this onto you they are making you sound like the unstable one for making up stories!

“You have got such a good imagination / stop exaggerating”

Again something narcissist’s are very good at is making you sound crazy, narcissist’s can twist things into something they are not and make you believe it is all in your mind. This is called ‘gaslighting’ and can be very damaging and destructive abuse.

“I can’t remember doing/saying that”

Narcissist’s are very good at not facing up to something that was their fault, once confronted it can be very frustrating when they deny all knowledge it ever happened. Just remember, they remembered the £20 worth of shopping they bought you last year so chances are they remember saying that!

“I’m never wrong”

Come on, no one is ‘Never Wrong’, that saying just speaks for itself!

“What are you getting upset for”

The narcissist has just insulted you yet again with some snide remark, narcissist’s are emotional vampires and will try to upset you every chance they get. By asking you “What are you getting upset for” they are making the matter trivial, which it probably isn’t.

“Act your age”

This is another form of projection, usually it is the narcissist that is immature but by telling you to act your age it ‘projects’ it onto you. They will have you thinking ‘how did they turn that on to me’, very clever I know!

You are free to use this article on your own website or blog providing you do not alter the text and add a link to this page. www.behindcloseddoors.me

Behind Closed Doors.me A site for adult children who have mothers with narcissistic personality disorder http://www.behindcloseddoors.me

When you translate the meaning of dreams according to the scientific method of dream interpretation you understand the wise messages contained in all dream images, even if they seem to be mere repetitions of what happens to you during your daily life. All images in dreams have a symbolic meaning, even when they seem to be mere reflections of your daily actions.

The known dream symbols show you the basic meaning of each dream. For example, the baby in dreams indicates a moral mistake. The baby represents a sin related to a love relationship, like betraying your partner with someone else, or having a relationship with someone who is already married.

Only by seeing a baby in a dream you already know that the unconscious mind is warning you that you must be careful and avoid making a serious moral mistake.

However, the dream story is also very important, so that you may understand why the unconscious mind is sending you this message and what you have to do. The dream story will give you explanations, based on the dream symbols.

For example, you had a dream where:

‘You saw a baby at your living room. Then, you were wondering how to feed the baby because you had never done it before.’

The dream story shows you that there is a moral mistake in an important part of your psyche (the living room). In other words, you are ready to make a sin.

You represent your ego in dreams. Your ego doesn’t know how to feed your moral mistake because you have never betrayed your partner before. However, you are about to make this sin.

In a few words, this dream is showing you that even though this is the first time that you are thinking about betraying your partner or having a relationship with someone who is already married, you are making a moral mistake the same way. It doesn’t matter if you were innocent up to this moment. Right now you are about to make a serious moral mistake that you must avoid.

At the same time, this dream is showing you that instead of avoiding what is bad, you are thinking about how to effectively make a sin (feed the baby).

Now, you have to think about what is happening to you and relate the unconscious messages to the issues you are facing in your daily life.

In this dream, the details of the dream story are represented by the fact that you were wondering how to feed the baby. This means that you don’t understand that you are ready to make a serious moral mistake, which you shouldn’t make.

The dream story is criticizing your attitude. You cannot see how wrong you are for desiring to make a moral mistake. You are thinking about how to effectively make a sin (without leaving clues), while you should think about avoiding it.

Christina Sponias continued Carl Jung’s research into the human psyche, discovering the cure for all mental illnesses, and simplifying the scientific method of dream interpretation that teaches you how to exactly translate the meaning of your dreams, so that you can find health, wisdom and happiness. Learn more at: http://www.scientificdreaminterpretation.com Click Here to download a Free Sample of the eBook Dream Interpretation as a Science (86 pages!).

Teenage pregnancy is a global problem with U.S.A., UK and Australia leading in rates of teenage pregnancies in the developed world

At a time when more money and time is being spent on education than ever before students’ drop out due to pregnancy becomes an issue of great concern to the nation. When a girl drops out of secondary school, the cost is often higher than when she drops out in primary school due to the cumulative expenditure over the years. The situation is worsened by the fact that the student leaves without a certificate unless she returns to complete school after delivery.

Despite the existence of the re-entry policy in many countries, most student-mothers still find it difficult to fit back into the school system after delivery. However, some resume but they face numerous challenges as they try to fit back into the schooling environment.

A girl has to work ten times harder to put her life back on the rails after becoming a mother before the recommended time. She has to fight stigma from her community and if she goes back to school, she faces even more discrimination from peers who have survived student pregnancy. They face rejection and are forced to abandon school. Life becomes a virtual struggle and putting up with the hostile environment at school is an uphill battle.

Student-mothers are normally not fully settled while at school and this adversely affects their social and academic life. They lack a great level of concentration in their academic work due to lack of ability to adequately manage parenting and schooling successfully at the same time.

The society also contributes to the woes of student mothers. It does not appreciate teenage pregnancy and children born out of wedlock. Considering that these student mothers are already in that state, most of them are worried over their future life for they are not sure about their fate in marriage.

Since the student mothers had become mothers while young and still in school they are stigmatized and so they tend to have low self esteem. Low self-esteem make them feel out of place especially when other students feel that they are not fit to be within the school system.

Lastly, student-mothers experience stigma from various sources. They are teased by fellow students, some parents and some teachers. Fellow students often verbally abuse these girls, making their participation in class to seem unwelcome. Teenage mothers are sometimes ridiculed in front of classmates by both teachers and other students whenever they do not satisfy the class requirements making them suffer from low self-esteem, fear and loneliness at school.

The return to school policy is a noble idea to help girls who would have otherwise dropped out of school because of pregnancy get a second chance to education. These girls need adequate support if they are to complete their secondary education and get access to higher education.

It is commonly thought that what people believe will influence their mood states. This meta-belief is widely accepted in the mental health sector with competing frameworks existing for how that connection between beliefs and mood states can be therapeutically exploited for good. This article describes two well-known systems and suggests an alternative.

Rational-Emotive Behavior Therapy

Rational-Emotive Behavior Therapy is a therapy developed by Albert Ellis (1913-2007) which was the earliest cognitive psychotherapy (1955). He developed his ABC model of mental disturbance which featured an Activating event, a Belief, and a Consequence.

Ellis presumed that between the activating event and the emotional consequence, illogical and irrational beliefs of a certain kind caused mental and emotional distress. In a nutshell, these major irrational beliefs were:

‘I absolutely must act in well in all situations and if I don’t I am a bad person and therefore deserving of punishment of some form’
‘Others absolutely must act well towards me and if they don’t then they are bad and therefore deserving of punishment’
‘Circumstances around me absolutely must go according to how I wish and desire and if not then it is terrible, awful, catastrophic and my life is hardly worth living’

It will be noticed that these three beliefs all incorporate ‘musts’ and ‘absolutes’ in their framework. Ellis believed that such extreme prescriptions for self, others and circumstances were irrational because they are god-like edicts and clearly humans are not gods. (Note: Ellis however was not a theist.)

His therapy method was confrontative and educative, helping clients to become their own therapists. For if they could understand that they were creating their own mental pain; if they could accept that they were repeating sentences like those above to themselves and so indoctrinating themselves to produce further upset then they would experience some relief fairly quickly.

However, Ellis emphasised that clients had to accept that they would have to continue to argue against the absolutist nature of these three types of beliefs if continued relief was to be felt.

Cognitive Therapy

Cognitive Therapy was proposed by A T Beck (b. 1921) in the early 1960s. Like Ellis, Beck also assumed that certain thoughts produced depression but unlike Ellis he developed a more collaborative method for dealing with disturbed thoughts.

Beck used a method of Socratic questioning that attempted to open up a client’s situation so that more options could be considered. For example, suppose someone was suffering depression because of failing an exam. Beck would say that it is not the exam failure that causes the depression but what the examinee is telling him/herself about it.

These thoughts could be statements such as ‘why can’t I do anything right?’, ‘I am a big failure’, ‘I am hopeless at school’, I’ve ruined my life prospects’ and a lot more besides.

Beck would tackle this situation using these three questions as set out in 1985:

What is the supporting evidence for the conclusion(s) held by the client?
What are other optional conclusions that could be reached using the same circumstances?
What will happen if the present conclusion held by the client is correct or true?

It is important to mention that Beck has developed his method extensively over decades and is open to the idea of eclectic, generic models. (Aaron T Beck is still alive and still teaching in 2012!)

Problems With Classical Cognitive Approaches

What troubles me about the advocacy of cognitive approaches for mood disorders is that people with depression are helped by other therapies that bear no relationship to cognitive ones. Doubtless, clients do feel better after cognitive-type therapies but that fact may suggest that non-specific elements of therapeutic relationships are the effective factors.

Moreover, the ‘faulty cognitions’ may not be the cause of depression but a part of the depression itself. Even that notion is questionable with some research showing that non-depressed persons have similar thoughts to depressed persons!

It should be noted that both these methods above make a common-sense distinction between the initial event and the evaluation of the event as if the ‘event’ and its perception by a person can be considered quite separately. (They also further distinguish the emotional response from the first two categories.)

Although that distinction seems valid because we know that different people can have the ’same event’ (say failing an exam) occur in their lives but not evaluate it the same way, but in that case, can we say it is actually the same event?

The abstractions of the above methods do not tally with our real experience of a failure situation. It is we who are in the situation of failure. The situation is not over there but we are in it.

An Alternative Therapeutic Approach

What if instead of trying to track down illogical or irrational beliefs therapists instead helped clients to accept the exam failure feelings as normal. So, to feel down after having failed an exam is normal because most people do.

What does cause problems and aggravates the situation is to think, imagine, act and believe that you’re unusual, stupid, deficient, imbecilic and backward to be thinking, believing and feeling the way you do about the failure. In doing that, a person judges himself to be no longer part of normal society.

Some instant relief is often felt if the counsellor talks empathically to clients and ‘normalises’ what they are experiencing.

Being told that it’s not so unusual to feel this way and to think certain things surrounding the failure could be therapeutic because it’s as if the therapist is inviting the client back into the world of normality.

Dr Ian R Ridgway is a Christian psychologist with 20 years experience in counselling and tertiary teaching. He relates the Christian faith to his vocation to assist others by developing a quality relationship built on trust and unconditional acceptance of the client (though not necessarily of all s/his behaviour). He provides an individual professional service as set out at http://psy-services.yolasite.com

This is a three-part article where I first examine the similarities in nature and in humans to determine where it is humans fail to understand depression and its function as a vital component to survival. Then I discuss the dangers in misunderstanding depression’s role as a warning system to alert humans it is time to rest and to forgive. Last, I add commentary and make some suggestions as to what can be done to save depression from reaching the chronic stage.

Part one:

What is the Matter with Humans?

It is sufficient to say that most people appear driven by some unseen force or (“natural law”) that causes them to hurry to get to where they are going fast, and we always seek the most convenient mode of transportation (path of least resistance) to get us there with the least amount of stress as possible. When humans meet up with difficulty, we immediately stress about it, and when stress reaches critical mass, the weak, or (“hyper sensitive”) become depressed and as a result sometimes because of lateral damage they die. What drives nature is another “unseen force” that we call natural law, and similar to convenience in humans, nature always takes the “path of least resistance”. When nature, again similar to humans, meets up with difficulty, stress becomes evident, and once again like humans, when the stress level reaches critical mass, the weak (under nourished) succumb to depression (energy loss) and eventually dies. In light of the above paragraph, we can say that it is the “weak” that fall behind because of stress introduced to an otherwise easy way around things, and it appears to make no difference whether it is humans or nature trying to get from one point to another.

The consistency of point is; some are equipped with something that permits them to continue regardless of difficulty, and that stress is the precursor for depression. We will deal with nature next, but now, and where in humans depression is vital to survival in the way that it is the body’s way of dealing with excessive stress, and how this becomes evident by the fact that humans are natural beings, and the human body, like nature, consistently seeks equilibrium. The point of consistency now changes to something not found in nature, but is prevalent and pervasive in humans and it is the serving the seven deadly sins or “desire”. What does serving desire have to do with stress and depression? This is just too easy a question to answer and so I will not answer it but to say that it is obvious. How do we eliminate desire from our daily diet? By holding within, the intent to “satisfy” our basic needs and recognize them as first, and foremost, important, and to be content with the simpler that things life has to offer. Doing this, while appreciating that we have the life saving warning signs and symptoms associated with depression to alert us that we are in need of rest or forgiveness, which forgiveness is type or a form of equilibrium.

Part two:

Dangers of Misunderstanding Depression

Nature always takes the path of least resistance while the modern day human does not always follow this natural law or rule of survival. At present, in diagnosing a person experiencing excessive stress that leads to depressive moods and anxiety, in many cases it is reported to the patient that his/her body is “shutting down”. Upon hearing this diagnosis, and given the prognosis of possibly having to live with and accept that one has a “mental illness” which could lead to a life of medication and therapy, the patient now must deal with imagined fears. All of this dire news does exacerbate the primary cause and adds concern. When imagined fear enters into the mind of a person recently diagnosed with chronic depression and severe anxiety, all future events have the extra burden that such a dreadful diagnosis and prognosis will supply, and, the subsequent treatment becomes adjacent to the primary cause only serving the patient with even more unnatural stress to the systems. As the patient must now struggle with more demands placed upon them that they must remember to follow through and consistently take medications, monitor activity, and deal with the “stigma” of mental illness.

Part three:

What can we do to protect ourselves from reaching the chronic stages of depression?

Equilibrium comes in many forms, and, it is in nature, including humans. All organisms seek to establish and sustain balance, or (“homeostasis”), and balance is “demanded” by the bodies of all living organisms in order to continue living with consistency. The main point here is living with consistency, and it is simply that through consciously seeking balance, equilibrium is established and homeostasis is the result. The question remains and it is, “how does one achieve this apparently difficult task? The answer, by seeking to understand the true meaning, intent, and definition of forgiveness as that which is observable in nature, as nature does provide us with many clues as to how we humans should conduct even our personal and social affairs.

http://www.editnse.org/

http://knowdepression.ucoz.com/forum