Archive for October, 2009

The Application of Cognitive and Personality Theories For NPOs

Monday, October 5th, 2009

The term not-for-profit organization (NPOs) is an umbrella term which implies that all organizations whose main organizational objectives are not to be profitable. NPOs main organizational objectives will thus be that to improve the general welfare of mankind. The bulk of NPOs are that of charities and counseling organizations.

The two essential components that will enable the NPO to achieve their objectives will be the organizational culture and volunteers. For instance, the organizational culture of a sales-oriented company such as real estate will be that of a competitive and achievement-oriented culture. This is necessary because there is stiff competition and that the volunteers have to be able to meet quotas and deadlines in order to excel and achieve the organizational objective. Thus for a NPO, the organizational culture has to be a supportive and nurturing one.

The second important component is volunteers. The organizational culture is the indirect component that orientates the organization to its objective. The real estate organization’s culture is that of a competitive one, thus the culture instills values such as pragmatism and realism into the volunteers. For a sale transaction to be successful, the employee will need to be realistic with the prospect’s budget and time. Through such values, the employee will then be able to persuade the prospect and secure a deal which orientates the organization to its objective. Thus the volunteers are the direct component that orientates the organization to its objective. Similarly, the NPOs’ volunteers will need to have the required skills and be willing to be immersed into a supportive and nurturing culture, so that they can complete their tasks.

Jean Piaget’s Theory of Cognitive Development on NPOs

In the context of NPOs, the understanding of Piaget’s Theory of Cognitive Development will help NPOs to determine whether its volunteers’ adaptability in a social work environment in several specific aspects. The volunteer may have the basic prerequisites such as having a passion for volunteerism and a caring heart. However he is very capable of managing the accounts but he does not like it and he prefers to do front-line work such as nursing, which he is not good at. So using Piaget’s theory will determine that his adaptability in accounting is high but his adaptability in nursing is low in terms of performance. Thus, it is logical to transfer him to accounting so long he is still committed to volunteering and not work away due to being upset with the transfer.

For NPOs that deal with childcare and child education, Piaget’s theory is even more relevant. The caretaker can be sure of how to handle the child at the different ages. For example handling a child at 2-7 years old probably means that the child has a high tendency to throw tantrums and act in a very unruly manner since cognitively; the child has yet to develop a sense concrete logic and has ego-centrism. Thus, the caretaker must be prepared to be tolerant and be willing to explain to the child but not get personal with the child’s tendency to be unruly.

Carl Rogers’ Theory on Person Centered Therapy on NPOs

As NPOs, such as, counseling and social care deals mainly with people who may be emotionally vulnerable, it is important that values such as patience and genuineness are instilled into the volunteers. Since the patients are emotionally vulnerable, the volunteers need to be able to communicate to the patients that they genuinely care and are willing to help them.

In NPOs such as charities, an organizational culture that has strong influences of Person Centred Therapy (PCT) helps to promote transparency and accountability. It is vital that charities are transparent so that the public has faith in the charity’s management and usage of funds, so that the needy will benefit and the public will continue to donate. A strong influence of PCT into the culture means that the volunteers will be able to understand that the donors are what the NPOs are about. Misappropriating the funds will kill off donors’ faith and trust. A greater sense of responsibility will be achieved as the volunteers truly empathized with the fundamentals of the charity’s paradigm, which is to improve a certain form of human welfare. When most of the volunteers are imbued with such a value system, there will be a prevalent supporting and nurturing culture conducive for reaching the objectives of the NPO.

Conclusion

Most personality theories are useful to NPOs in indirect manners as they focus on the intangibles. They are best suited for understanding the volunteers’ motivations as well as creating a good supportive and nurturing organizational culture that is conducive for achieving the NPOs organizational objectives.

Most cognitive theories are useful to NPOs in a more direct manner as they focus on the person’s capacity to utilize his ability as well as understanding specifics. They are best suited for understanding the different volunteers’ abilities as well as certain aspects that may require a more systematic and logic way to understand. For example, a child’s personality tends to be unruly, but at which point of time there is a greater tendency to be more unruly? Cognitive theories perhaps will be able to further pin-point the exact spots that need to be examine in greater detail which personality theories can only offer a broader and wider perspective.

Therefore, both personality and cognitive theories have to be used in-tandem to achieve the optimum usefulness that is relevant in achieving the NPO’s organizational objectives.

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Dias Lu is an entrepreneur who specialises in self-empowerment, wealth mastery, and entrepreneurial leadership. Currently he is running his internet marketing business and doing part-time experiential coaching.

To continue to benefit from his shared experience, visit his blog at http://www.diaslu.com

While not actively pursuing his dreams, he will be practicing his martial arts, reading and writing articles. He believes that everyone has a right to their dreams and that perseverance and helping one another will achieve exactly those dreams.

He continues to blogs and shares his ideas at http://www.diaslu.com

Posted in Cognitive Psychology Articles, Counseling Psychology Articles, Personality Psychology Articles | No Comments »

MacKenzie Phillips – Another Tragic Second Hand Addict

Monday, October 5th, 2009

As far as I can tell, Mackenzie Phillips was a Second Hand Addict before she ever became an addict. In other words she was living as a young woman ‘at the effect’ of the drug addiction or abuse of other people. And who knows from whence her father’s alleged abuse and violations came. Certainly the drugs warping his brain must have played a role. And perhaps he was also a child victim himself- as incest is known to be passed down in families.

Personally as a student of ontology, I would like to read Mackenzie’s book to see if I can glean how her mind went from victim to addict; from rape and incest victim to consenting adult.

It was probably not a far journey. For the human brain can only embrace so much pain, fear, or violation before it begins to compensate, through an often convoluted mental process. Take a course called the Landmark Forum and you can see exactly how human beings go from violation and abuse to what we, who have never experienced this particular pain, might call ‘twisted’ thinking.

So Mackenzie’s mind journey might look something like this. ‘I am being raped, violated, demoralized, and sullied by the very people whom trust. I have no power here. I am all alone. And I can’t tell anyone.( As time goes by) This is all I know of the pleasures of sex. In some ways it feels good. But how do I stop the bad feelings, the feelings of wrong and violation?… Ahhh. Here’s a way. I will say is not a violation at all. I will believe it is not what it is. In fact, I will believe that I want this. I will believe that I like this. In fact, the truth is, I do want this. I do like this. And it feels good.’

And so Mackenzie probably traveled from victim to consenting adult- except she never truly had any choice in the matter. At the age of 18, if her story is shown to be true, the ‘choice’ was forced on her by the very person she trusted the most. And in that swirling world of conflicting emotions, with no-one to trust and without even a fully developed brain, the die was cast for the future, as well as for the present.

So now where might this still under-developed brain take in Mackenzie in her early twenties and on? She can’t speak about this. The whole world will see it as shameful, dirty, and disgusting. She has convinced herself that she wants it. Ergo, she must also be shameful dirty and disgusting. A level of self-loathing sets in. So now it is necessary to kill the self-loathing. Enter Mackenzie the drug addict. One might note that MacKenzie picked the most addictive and shame based, hidden-in-dark-alleys drug in which to drown her conflicting emotions.

I don’t know Mackenzie’s reasons for writing her story now- Whether she just wants money or fame or whatever else. And frankly, I don’t care. With a life such as she has had forced upon her, who could ever be expected to be thinking clearly. If you want to condemn Mackenzie, you might do well to consider the saying “Walk a Mile in My Shoes.”

And as for me personally, I can only thank Mackenzie for bringing into the open what so many victims would like to speak about. I thank her for giving incest and rape survivors permission to exist on the planet with the rest of us, in open-ness, without fear. And I assert that we the laymen have no idea of the ’shameful’ crime we commit when we shame Mackenzie even more than she has already been shamed.

I can’t truly tell you the inner workings of Mackenzie’s mind through all of her ordeals. But I can tell you this… her mind and the way it works was profoundly affected by those young experiences. And I hope and believe that some day Mackenzie will learn that so far in the swirl of Second Hand Addiction, violation, rape, and finally her own addiction, there has never been true choice, nor any sign of freely-chosen consent. And in point of fact, it will probably be a journey of many years before Mackenzie can truly make the kind of free choice, separate and apart from her past, that we all make every day, and that we think is normal.

Lorelei F is a Writer, Speaker, and Activist who works for enlightenment and has coined the term Second Hand Addict. Visit her blogs at http://www.secondhandaddiction.blogspot.com and http://www.howtomanifestanythingyouwant.blogspot.com.

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Why Psychology is Important in Daily Life – Steps, Tips and Solutions

Monday, October 5th, 2009

The word psychology is derived from the Greek word psyche which means ’soul’ or ‘mind’ and logia meaning “Study of”. Psychology is applied in studying the human mind and behavior. Research in psychology is used to understand and explain thought, emotion, and behavior.

Psychology is a vast field which covers all aspects of the human knowledge – from the functions of the brain to the surroundings in which humans and animals develop; from child growth to aging. Psychology is a science based on a large body of social science and behavioral science research and, which is expanding its boundaries to overlap with neuroscience and health science.

Being an applied and a theoretical subject, psychology can be utilized in a number of ways. As it is very difficult for an average person to take advantage from research studies, I will try to put forward the topic in simple words so that an average person could be able to understand in the light of the results of experiments and studies.

Following are the ways in which psychology can improve your life:

I. Improving your Memory:

As it is mentioned above that psychology is the study of human mind, so it’s obvious that it deals with human Memory.

Following figure elaborates relation of psychology with memory;

Memory can be improved by several methods such as:

a) Pay attention to the material you are listening or reading.

b) Establish a regular study session, don’t break your schedule.

c) Visualize the concepts, for example, if you want to remember someone’s name, try to visualize the person in your mind.

II. Creativity:

According to cognitive psychologist Robert J. Sternberg, creativity can be defined as “the process of producing something that is both original and worthwhile” (2003). Creativity means finding new ways for solving your problems and dealing with the difficult situations. You can apply psychology to boost your creativity.

The following figure shows the psychological aspects of Creativity;

a) Build your confidence and take risks. Don’t be scared of failure.

b) Sometimes a solution can be used to solve multiple problems, you should always realize that.

c) Put yourself in challenging situations.

III. Improving Communication Skills:

Non verbal communication plays an important role in communication. Research tells us that nonverbal signals make up a great portion of our communications. Non verbal communication includes notable behaviors such as touching, eyes, facial expressions, and tones of voice, as well as fewer obvious messages such as dress, posture and spatial distance between two or more people. For more information about non-verbal communication refer to the book “Non Verbal Communication” by Albert Mehrabian.

IV. Controlling Anger:

Anger according to Charles Spielberger (Ph.D., a psychologist who specializes in the study of anger) is an emotional state that varies in intensity from mild irritation to intense fury and rage. Anger can be

destructive when it gets out of control

Anger can be controlled by the following ways;

a) Stop thinking about anger, focus on something else.

b) Try to relax yourself. Breathing techniques are helpful in relaxation.

c) Have a glass of water if available.

V. Self Confidence:

Many people often fail to do something just because lack of confidence, nothing is impossible in this world the only thing you need is self confidence. It provides you the motivation for hard working, which is the key to success.

Tips to gain self confidence;

a) Pay attention to your achievements; don’t pay attention to the fear of failure.

b) Get motivation from others; think how great people achieved impossible in their lives.

c) Learn from your mistakes, Soon you will see that you are getting improved; this will help you a lot in gaining self confidence.

d) Focus on your personality, think that why your friends like you.

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HSP – What a Therapist Needs to Know About High Sensitivity

Sunday, October 4th, 2009

High Sensitivity (HS) and Highly Sensitive People (HSP) are concepts elaborated by Dr. Elaine Aron beginning with her original publication in 1997 and popularized in her book “The Highly Sensitive person: How to thrive when the world overwhelms you (1996). Dr. Aron is a psychological researcher and a practicing Jungian analyst. Much of her research has been done in tandem with her social psychologist husband Dr. Arthur Aron, who is well known for his academic research into love and close relationships.

HSP is not a DSM-IV diagnosis.

It is instead a description of the experience of the 15 to 20 % of the population who appear at the top end of the human continuum for physical and emotional responsiveness stimuli. Like left handers in a world geared to right handedness, they often struggle physically and psychologically in a cultural environment which is geared towards the 80% who are less easily stimulated.

High sensitivity is a double edged sword.

HSP’s are highly sensitive to both danger and reward in the environment. They appreciate subtlety and nuance and are often creative and empathicBut…. They are often overwhelmed by situations which others can take in stride

With prevalence in the population of 15 to 20% that makes almost one in five of our friends and relatives or clients “highly sensitive.”

HSP research suggests that High Sensitivity arises out of three predisposing factors:
Introverted Temperament: (MBTI Introversion)
Extra cognitive processing : Lower Latent Inhibition… lower ability to screen out stimuli High Arousability or “reactivity”: (High BIS – low BAS, Gray, 1997)

These three factors create a particular configuration of strong responses to stimuli …
…which lead to behaviors…
……………which lead to experiences…
………………………..which can often, but not always , lead to psycho-pathologies…
……………………………………….which then bring these individuals to therapy.

The most common problematic responses are related to stress and chronic over-arousal, such as anxiety, panic attacks and psycho-somatic responses. These individuals are also susceptible to depression, feelings of low self esteem and feelings of vulnerability created by a lifetime of being “out of step” with their peers or misunderstood by those around them.

If a therapist is not aware of the existence of this natural variation in sensitivity, it is very tempting to see the sensitive response as “neurotic” In fact the client themselves, may not debate or object to this because they do not have an alternative explanation either.

15% of the population but probably more than 15% of psychotherapy clients….

It is rare that a client will seek therapy knowing that they are HSP’s. Very often they have no understanding that their problems emerge from their sensitivity rather than the reverse.

When High Sensitivity has been mismanaged for a lifetime the cumulative effect often leads to anxiety, depression and low self esteem. It is these psychological disturbances which bring individuals to therapy.

Not “mentally ill”

Having the concept of High Sensitivity in your therapeutic repertoire takes many clients out of the category of the “mentally ill” and makes them interesting and struggling human beings like oneself. They become a person with a difference that needs to be managed and deserves to be respected.

Ordinary therapy….

Once the understanding of their sensitivity is arrived at by therapist and client the work that needs to be done is the every-day work of therapy…
Construction of appropriate boundaries,
Developing communication skills,
Re-building self esteem,
Integrating or “working through” past traumas
Overcoming learned fearful responses.

This work is appropriately done in any therapeutic modality but when they overcome their fears and feel safe in therapy, these individuals do very well in psychodynamic or psychoanalytic therapies because they often have an unusually strong ability:
to be self-reflective,
to think deeply,
to be aware of their physical responses to their thoughts and feelings
to be aware of and interested in unconscious products such as fantasies, dreams and active imagination.

HSP’s are an “education” for their therapist.

There is an enormous amount that a therapist can learn through working with these clients.
Acceptance, respect for, and interest in a client’s difference is not just healing for the client but expansive for the therapist.
HSP responsiveness means that they react in ways that are strong enough to be undeniable to experiences that might also bother others but which less sensitive individuals succeed at repressing … sometimes to their cost.
The combination of responsiveness and a willingness to be reflective means that these clients can often shed light on thoughts and feelings which emerge from others with much more difficulty. They can expose and illuminate interpersonal dynamics in a way that is generally informative.
They are often sensitive to the leading edge of disturbances in their group, their society or their age cohort.

Sensitive rather than neurotic.

To suggest that someone’s response is “neurotic” is to imply that it is exaggerated or inappropriate to the circumstance. It is another way of saying that their experience is “not real.” It also implies that once the psychological “fix” is made that the problem will go away and that the individual will be “just like everyone else” in their responses to stimuli. Given that a temperament is a basic, inborn and “given” attribute of the individual which is almost impossible to alter, this proposition can only lead to frustration and a continuing feeling of being different and wrong in their experience of the world.

By contrast, when we approach an individual respectfully and curiously with the belief that what they are experiencing is “real,” we come with a more empathic point of view. Empathy and openness to individual differences are ideally the therapist’s stock-in-trade…the greatest tools for healing that we can offer. Therapeutic empathy is a big part of what makes the therapeutic relationship safe, healing and growth producing.

If you do not treat Highly Sensitive individuals as neurotic you will be better able to appreciate them as the responsive, reflective people that they are… and they may well become your favorite kind of clients!

Recommended reading for the curious therapist:

E.N. Aron (1996). The Highly Sensitive Person: How to Thrive When the World Overwhelms You, New York, Broadway Books.
E.N. Aron & Aron, A. (1997b) Sensory-Processing Sensitivity and Its Relation to Introversion and Emotionality, Journal of Personality and Social Psychology,73, (2), pp. 345-368
E.N. Aron (2004). Revisiting Jung’s Concept of Innate Sensitiveness.Journal of Analytical Psychology, 49, pp.337-367.

Susan Meindl, MA, is a licensed psychologist in private practice in Montreal Canada. She has a special interest in Jungian ideas and practices a Jungian approach to psychodynamic psychotherapy

http://therapists.psychologytoday.com/rms/59983

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How to Stop Dreaming When You Have Too Many Bad Dreams

Sunday, October 4th, 2009

If you want to stop dreaming too much, the solution to your problem is not what you may desire. In order to stop seeing too many bad dreams in which you are in dangerous situations, you feel awful, and you awake up sad, you have to correct your mistakes.

Dreams are lessons, warnings, and directions sent by the wise unconscious mind to your ignorant human conscience, which has to fight against your wild and primitive conscience that occupies the biggest part of your brain, and is very violent, immoral and cruel. The unconscious mind helps your conscience fight against the attacks of the evil anti-conscience, your primitive side.

Besides that, you also have too many enemies in the outside world, which means that you need protection and guidance, not only in order to face the anti-conscience and overcome the mental illnesses it tries to provoke to your conscience, but also to face the entire world, which is full of people that have bad intentions and want to manipulate you, take advantage of you, and even kill you. Our world is very dangerous.

This happens because the wild side of the human being (anti-conscience) predominates in the brain of most people, controlling their behavior.

The term “anti” in Greek means against, contrary, opposite. The anti-conscience works against the human side of your conscience, trying to destroy it, and control your behavior in its place. It controls the behavior of most people in our world, because it is too strong, and everything in our crazy world pushes the human being towards making moral mistakes, which kills their human conscience.

The unconscious mind helps you preserve your consciousness when you are making dangerous mistakes that could imprison you in sad situations, and destroy your human side.

This means that you cannot simply stop dreaming, as if dreaming was something that was controlled by your will. It is a protective function of your organism, like the roar of your stomach when you are hungry. This is something that you cannot control. If you want to feel better and see your stomach in a peaceful condition, you have to eat a meal.

Exactly the same happens with dreams: too many bad dreams are alarms. They will stop only when you get out of the dangerous situation you are in.

You probably don’t know what your mistakes are, and what you could possibly do in order to correct them.

Study the scientific method of dream interpretation, which is the only real and accurate method of dream translation that exists, and which really helps you solve all your problems. The unconscious mind that sends you alarms, shows you also how you can correct all your mistakes.

This is how you’ll stop dreaming so much, have only a few pleasant dreams instead, and wake up happily.

Christina Sponias continued Carl Jung’s research into the human psyche, discovering the cure for all mental illnesses, and simplifying the scientific method of dream interpretation that teaches you how to exactly translate the meaning of your dreams, so that you can find health, wisdom and happiness.

Learn more at: http://www.scientificdreaminterpretation.com
Click Here to download a Free Sample of the eBook Dream Interpretation as a Science (86 pages!).

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Learning About Lies

Saturday, October 3rd, 2009

There are hundreds, if not thousands of reasons that people lie. We all have lied at times; maybe we tell “white lies,” or maybe we simply leave out small portions of the truth every now and then. Or maybe we just exaggerate-has your 3-pound bass ever become a 10-pound bass? Lying usually begins around the age of 4 or 5 when we realize we can manipulate words to get what we want. This usually is not meant to be malevolent, but often begins as just “testing the waters” to find out what we can get away with. Most of us grow out of this and learn to tell the truth in everyday situations, but not everyone. While most of us may not understand liars and why they lie, to them it may seem normal, or they may not even know they are doing it.

The small lies that many of us take part in, like those easy to spot ones about the size of the fish you caught, usually are no big deal. It is the pathological lies that we all need to look out for. These people may feel compelled to lie about not just the big stuff that could get them in trouble, but even the very smallest things. Most people sometimes may not even understand why these things are worth lying for. It is not always easy to spot a pathological liar, but if you do some research into lie detection you will be able to tell when someone is lying.

These pathological, or compulsive liars, do it for many reasons, and the psychology of lying can sometimes become quite complicated. In addition to the fact that they sometimes may not be able to stop themselves, they may do it to protect themselves or avoid punishment, to gain monetarily or socially, or just because they want to look good in front of others. Sometimes it can be quite easy to spot these types of liars. An easy thing to look for is numbers. Do they seem to exaggerate them? Do they always brag about the amount of money they spend? Try to pay attention to their figures, and compare them to what you know is right. If their numbers consistently are different from what you know to be correct, they may not just be exaggerating-they may be a compulsive liar.

For those people afflicted with the trouble of lying pathologically, there are ways to put a stop to this self-destructive behavior. One of the first steps you should take is to figure out what is driving you to lie in the first place. You may want to begin treatment and work with a therapist to discover why you feel the need to deceive. If you make some improvements in this area of your life, your relationships with others will improve and many of your problems caused by lies will fade away.

Check this page deticated to lying SaL – spotaliar.net

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An Introduction to Spotting a Liar

Saturday, October 3rd, 2009

Let’s face it-people cheat. Women do it. Men do it. Most humans do it. People aren’t evolutionarily programmed to remain monogamous. Therefore, a statistical majority of us sometimes cheat at one time or another. Diversity is what keeps the species alive, so it is best for our genes to mate with a variety of partners. Unfortunately for all of us, most of the time your mate will lie to you about it.
While having multiple partners may work in nature, most couples agree that it is not what they want! A philandering partner is the quickest and surest way to end any relationship. So, why not save yourself the time and learn early on to catch a liar? If you learn how to spot a liar you can save yourself from enduring months of pain caused by lying and cheating.

Now there really are no surefire ways to know if someone is lying, but there are definitely at least a few telltale signs that will help you catch a liar. First and foremost, eye contact is what you should look for. This is the easiest and most effective way to spot a liar. If your mate refuses to look you in the eye when you ask where they are going, or they have trouble retaining eye contact when you ask them how their night was, you may have reason to worry. When you look at them and their eyes are darting across the room, focusing aimlessly on anything but you, they may be lying.

Another important way to tell if someone is lying is by looking at their body language. If you learn to spot the body language of a liar, you are well on your way to being able to consistently detect a liar. One of the first things you should pay attention to is their hands. If their hands are constantly fidgeting, or they continuously touch their face or play with something with their hands, they may be lying to you. If you spot the person constantly scratching their nose, or touching their mouth, these are red flags! They also may place objects in between you and them, not even realizing they are doing it.

Another helpful tip for spotting a liar is simply paying attention to their attitude. Are they being overly defensive? A liar may have problems facing their accuser, and turn their head or body away from you. They also may become all worked up over what may seem like nothing.

These tips on how to spot a liar are not only helpful to catch cheaters, but can also be employed in everyday use to catch liars. These ways to know if someone is lying to you can be helpful in a variety of professions, and in everyday life, especially parenting! If you practice these techniques, after a while you will be able to catch a liar every time. However, make sure you gain some experience using these tips before you go accusing people!

Visit this site deticated to lying: SaL – Spotaliar.net

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Teens and ADHD

Saturday, October 3rd, 2009

A hidden problem of a significant number of teenagers is ADHD. This condition, known to occur in about 5-7% of the population makes it difficult to pay attention and concentrate. Equally, in the teenage years it plays havoc with planning ability. Teens with ADHD will have trouble listening in the classroom, planning and organizing their assignments and will be late with most deadlines. Unfortunately teachers often view these issues as signs of laziness or poor motivation and tend to stop offering help to the students who need it the most.

ADHD is not a benign condition. Often diagnosed in childhood, but not always, it lasts a lifetime. The symptom profile changes over time, with the initial symptom (in boys) of hyperactivity diminishing during the teen years. Remaining behind after the high levels of activity go away is the exceptionally poor attention and concentration skills and, in some boys, impulse control problems. These teens are caught in a cycle of difficulty, negative labels, failure, rejection and protective withdrawal from achievement striving.

There are a significant number of adolescents with ADHD who have slipped through the net because they didn’t present as children with high energy levels, behavior difficulties and excitable emotions. This group of teens is typically more girls than boys and the absence of any positive symptoms causes them to go unnoticed until they enter secondary school. Catching the hidden cause of their difficulties can be problematic because so often these teenagers become reluctant learners who avoid school as often as they can.

There is a lot we can do to help these teenagers with ADHD. Certain medications may be necessary in some cases. In most instances short bursts of counseling that is directive and goal-focused can be enormously helpful. The main point is to notice that these teens don’t want to be the way they are; they are simply trapped in a cycle of cognitive and behavioral difficulties caused by the way their brain functions.

If you suspect your teenager has ADHD contact your GP immediately. You can also find useful information at: www.hadd.ie

David J. Carey, Psy.D.
297 Beechwood Court
Stillorgan
Dublin, Ireland
http://www.davidjcarey.com

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Everybody Lies

Saturday, October 3rd, 2009

Every single person reading this article has lied at least in some point of their lives. While some of us do it more often than others, the fact is, every one of us does it sometimes. Our lies may consist of omitting a small portion of the truth, of exaggerating minor details, or fabricating an entire story. Everyone has different reasons for lying, and these reasons change under different circumstances.

Most everyone also probably agree that none of us likes being lied to (except maybe in the case of flattery). While minor exaggerations or lying to be polite is usually harmless, serious lies erode social bonds and, by breaching trust, damage our relationships with others. Humans are social animals, and these bonds of trust are what hold our society together.

Therefore, it is very helpful for a person to be able to spot a liar. By being able to detect deception, we can have meaningful and symbiotic relationships, thereby avoiding the pain and hurt that can be caused by lies and the liars who tell them. Some research has demonstrated that there are people who are so engaged in how they are perceived by others, they are not able to separate fact from fiction even in their own minds. They might tell lies that make them look better in the eyes of others and sometimes not even know they are doing it.

We all know that honesty builds and maintains relationships, so being able to detect a lie can be a very useful skill to possess. This way you can call a person out on their lies, fostering honesty between the two of you, or you could entirely avoid that person and their deceptive ways. There are a lot of resources available that will help you learn the technique of spotting a liar. Most methods focus on simple clues like body language or eye contact. Other more complicated methods, which require research and practice, dig deep into the human psyche in order to enable us to spot a liar.

By learning to detect lies, a person can prosper in both their personal and professional lives. Learning to spot a lie can make you a more effective parent or employee, and generally an all around more successful person. There are a few easy steps that you should take in order to make this improvement in your life. You need to be just a little bit proactive and you will be improving your relationships in no time!

SaL – SpotaLiar.net

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Threading it Through the Needle’s Eye

Friday, October 2nd, 2009

Life continually maintains and refines itself. The scenarios that confront us reflect the quality of our humanity and often indicate certain purifying changes that we need to effect in ourselves physically or non-physically, certain demons to be exorcised. “There is a Divine purpose and reason for each and everything that goes on in our life. That includes….bad things (Pastor Bill Keller ritten.wordpress.com).” And that purpose is to give us the chance to correct ourselves where we were wrong and to improve ourselves where we are already good even if it means dying in the process.

I used to have a cleaning lady who lived not far from our house with her husband and 7 children. She and her husband were both high school graduates. Financial restraints had prevented them entering college. They had two sons and five daughters in all. For low income families in our country the normal practice was to prioritize the education of the eldest sibling in order to have an extra source for family finances as soon as was possible.

My cleaning lady, let’s call her Laura, came to me one day asking for a loan. She recounted that her eldest boy who was entering fourth year high school had suddenly decided not to enroll in his old school. She said that he had gotten into a tangle with the toughies in that school and was avoiding the payback. She was careful to stress that the boy was not a trouble maker but that he had been bullied past the limits of his patience. Being the eldest child, they had pinned their hopes on him to help in raising his younger brother and sisters. Since it would be foolish to stop his schooling now, they wanted to transfer him to an affordable private high school where he could finally graduate. She wondered if I could extend the amount of tuition needed as an advance for her services. Their last option, she continued, would be to send him home to study in the province.

Thinking that they would have to borrow money for the trip home anyway and that the tuition installments were not much more than the fare needed, I suggested that it would be best to keep the boy with them so that they could continue supervising his studies. I agreed to shoulder his tuition fees as a loan but made it quite clear that I was extending a loan to them, not taking responsibility for their son’s schooling. In the back of my mind remained questions that were to be answered further on.

So the boy, let’s call him Greg, enrolled in the private high school and I was pleased to think that I had done somebody a good turn. My satisfaction was not long-lived. The school, being privately owned, had a list of fee requirements amounting to more than Laura could pay. In the middle of the first month of school, she came to me saying that they needed money to buy things Greg needed; that meals in the school were costly so that there were days when the boy had to go with nothing in his stomach until he got home. My first thought was naturally to indignantly remind her about what we had agreed upon, that she had some nerve to broach the topic and subsequently leave them to their own devices. But I knew their financial state and it seemed a waste to quench hopes that I had myself kindled. I decided to give them the benefit of the doubt and to throw out all malicious suspicions. But before involving myself any further, I asked to talk to the boy and see his school records.

To my dismay, neither the first nor the second warranted granting Greg a subsidy for school. His language skills were not much better than street jargon. He lacked concentration, his retentiveness was middling, he was unable to follow abstract reasoning and worst of all, did not really like to study. He had sharp instincts but lacked mental discipline. His school record was a list of c’s interspersed with some d’s for 2 back subjects from junior year which he claimed he planned to take during summer.

But I was not to be easily swayed from my purpose. I agreed to sponsor Greg until he should graduate from high school. For the next five months, I put up with tutoring the stubborn child, spent for his daily allowance and school projects, tried every means to motivate the child and make him see life from a more mature viewpoint. His performance and outlook did not improve. I suspect this was because the school had higher academic standards than Greg was psychologically and intellectually prepared to handle.

The axe finally fell on the week of the mid-term exams. I received a call from the school cashier who told me that Greg was unable to take the exams because of unpaid tuition dues. I immediately instructed Laura to send Greg to me that evening. When he arrived, I confronted him about the money I had given him for the tuition. In a slightly defensive manner, he blurted out: “I bought a cell phone with it. Why should I pay the tuition when my teachers are gonna flunk me anyway?” My voice quivering with suppressed indignation, I said, “That is not the point. Your unpaid account not only disallowed you from taking the exams, but will prevent you getting your transcript of records from them and you cannot enroll in any other school ever!”

Which is precisely what happened. Despite Laura’s tearful entreaties, I finally made her realize that Greg wasn’t really cut out for formal schooling and that they would be better off if he were to look for something practical to earn a living from. I pointed out to her that high school would be the best to expect from him, but given his present performance, finishing fourth year might take some time. In brief, Greg stopped going to school. I never paid his outstanding balance but used what I would have spent for the rest of the school year to send him to driving school. I have not doled out another centavo to him after that.

There was no need to because soon after he got his professional license he managed to get work as driver’s apprentice. He now earns an honest living as a driver, as his father did. To the disappointment of his parents, He is happily married and has two children. He has outgrown any childish resentments against me for stopping his schooling. On the contrary, he says that what he will never forget how I put up with him when he was younger and he will always respect me for that.

Laura was a person in urgent need who confused what she wanted with what she might hope to have. She lacked the means to realize her vision of success because it was not based on a truthful acceptance of her condition. She strove to adopt a “success” fairy tale taken from a different socio-economic life setting. Greg was a typical ‘from-province-to-big-city’ kid with no sign of academic ability and motivation or personal refinement. It was unrealistic for her to hope that, given his rough nature and his inflexibility, he could ever keep a job where he would be continuously twitted by a hierarchy of supervisors. In a way it was a blessing for them that they had approached me for help because they sorely needed a different success story.

Delusion is defined as a “fixed, false belief…fanciful and derived from deception” (Delusion Wikipedia). Laura’s delusion sprung from her naïve and superstitious mind which told her that Greg was intellectually capable just because he had to be so, being the eldest child. She was determined to continue in this self-deception as long as she could in the hope that one miraculous day it would come true. At length this implausible conviction insinuated itself into her son’s mind and became an irritant within him which spawned his external predicaments. Greg was unable to live up to his mother’s ambitions and this shortcoming created a loss of self-esteem which manifested as lack of social sense and a tendency to violence. Neither able to play or reject the role which was thrust on him, he felt himself pulled in two opposite directions. And faced with an uncertain destination, he dropped anchor to hold on to something that he could truly consider his, a cell phone.

Letting go the matter like hot potatoes was not an option. If I was to achieve an honorable and humane resolution of this situation I knew I had to wake Laura up by making it evident that she was forcing herself and her son to exert effort in the wrong direction. I therefore walked the extra mile to give them another chance to pursue their goal by offering to sponsor Greg’s studies, even if, perhaps the more so because, disillusionment awaited in that direction. When their goals became obviously impractical and unreachable, I made the move to redirect Greg to a path more appropriate for his temperament and talent; a path that had been under their noses all the time; where he would be doing what his sociological and ethnic background best fitted him to do – practical, if unglamorous, every-day tasks.

In all, we all came out of it changed for the better. Laura got what she needed, a cathartic purgation from her illusions, Greg was liberated and able to live his own life, I gained a deeper insight into the psychology of the under-served, and most important of all, won myself another lifetime friend.

Did I or didn’t I pull it through the eye of the needle?

Works Cited:
Keller, Bill. “No Coincidence.” Columnizer. 21 June 2008 http://ritten.wordpress.com/2008/06/21/no-coincidence/
“Delusion.” Wikipedia: The Free Encyclopedia. 05 June 2009. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Delusion

This is one of my essays at my blog at http://rulens-blob-blog.blogspot.com

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