Psychology Articles

Below is a list of things a narcissist might say to anyone – Friends, Family or even their own Children.

“After all the money I have lent you”

To change the subject of the argument, this is to make you feel guilty and put the ball back in their court. How can you argue with this wonderful person who lends you money. When in this situation, remember what the original argument was about and do not get side tracked from it. Say “No, you’re going off the point now, I’m talking about….”

“After everything I have done for you”

Again, if the narcissist feels like they are losing the argument they will change the subject to a time when you needed them… “After all I have done for you, when you needed a place to stay, when you needed a lift, when you needed that favor” This will be completely off the subject but if you let them you will end up arguing about it and ultimately apologizing for your disrespectful behavior.

“You don’t RESPECT me”

This is a very common one, narcissist’s think they deserve respect regardless to how they behave. If you answer them back, If you don’t do as your told, If you look at them the wrong way, If you are disrespectful! A narcissist will even start an argument and when you try and defend yourself they will always throw in the ‘RESPECT’ card. Just remember, nobody can demand respect, respect has to be earned!

“You never say thank you / They never say thank you”

Chances are you say thank you all the time, more so than most people. The thing is narcissist’s expect recognition for everything they do, and I mean everything. Don’t think for one minute that they are doing it out of the goodness of their hearts. You had better say “Thank You” – or else!

“You will regret doing/saying that one day”

Another guilt trip, you probably didn’t say anything bad at all. Just remember though, unless they are talking about murder, bank robbery or drinking a bottle of vodka a day, chances are you WON’T regret doing it one day.

“You will be sorry once I am gone”

This is an awful guilt trip, often used on siblings to get in the final word. If the narcissist is losing the argument or feels like they are backed into a corner (usually from their own doing) they will go to any length to get out of it. Reminding you of the fact that one day they will die and you will remember all the horrible things you did to them. These tactics are often used on young siblings, that is when they have the most impact and are the most upsetting. I mean why would any normal person want to say that to a 13 year old!

“Stop being so serious / You can’t take a joke”

Usually when a narcissist has insulted you and you have taken offense, NO it really wasn’t meant as a joke, it was meant to hurt your feelings, but when you get upset about it you can’t take a joke. It is actually narcissist’s who can’t take a joke. When it happens, bite your tongue, do not give them the satisfaction of letting them know you are bothered. After all, an argument is what they are really after!

“What will people say? / What will people think?”

Most narcissist’s are obsessed with the image they portray of themselves and their family to other people. As a narcissist’s child you had better watch what you say or do that could tarnish that image! This is called ‘False Self’. The real narcissist (how you know them), and the ‘False Self’ (how everyone else knows them). Because everyone thinks this person is kind, loving and caring and takes such good care of their children whenever you try to say otherwise nobody believes you!

“You can’t do that… You can’t wear that… Because I said so… That’s why”

Narcissist’s are very controlling. Whenever questioned as to why you can’t do what they are telling you you can’t do, you will get answers like “Because I said so”, “That’s Why”,”Because I’m the Mother!” Normal people will give reasons why they are not allowing you to do something, but when the reason is to enforce power or be awkward, these are the answers you can get. Try using reverse psychology, if you want to wear the red coat, say you want to wear the white one. If you want them to visit on Saturday say, “you can come round any day except Saturday” chances are on Saturday they will be knocking on your door.

“This is my house”

This is simply showing you who is boss! You might be their child, and live in the house but let’s make it clear, this is not your house. “Do you pay the mortgage, the bills, the phone bill, TV license, Council tax? NO! So this is my house, when you do you can call it your house!” But mum, I’m only 11 years old.

“They’re just jealous”

Narcissist’s are very jealous people, they are jealous of people who are better looking, people with more money, better car, better house. So in turn they think everyone else is like them… Not true, most people couldn’t care less and are happy for other peoples hard work or good fortune. They certainly aren’t jealous of that overpriced £800 ring you just purchased from the jewellery channel.

“Have you seen what he/she is wearing”

Picking fault with other people is a good way to make the narcissist feel better about themselves, snide remarks about peoples clothes, makeup, weight etc… Chances are you’re no oil painting yourself you know!

“I’ve got a headache too, I had a terrible night too, I’ve got a sore throat too”

You can never be ill when a narcissist is around, they will always be far worse. If you have a cold, they have the flu, you have a headache, they have a migraine, you have a sore throat, they have tonsillitis. God only knows what would happen if you chopped your arm off!

“Have you seen how dirty their house is”

Chances are the narcissist’s house will be spotless, not a spec of dirt anywhere, show home standard. They probably even have a cleaning day, yes that’s right a whole day where they will clean their house from top to bottom every week. How can you compete with that, no wonder your house isn’t up to scratch. But come on, would you really want to be that sad!

“I love you, but I don’t like you right now”

This is a narcissist’s way of saying “you have got some making up to do”, you had better be on your best behavior and not be disrespectful, and don’t forget that all important apology. Maybe in a week or so the house will get back to normal, well until the next tantrum anyway!

“I love you more than you could know / I love you so much”

“What?” I hear you say, “Do narcissist’s really say those words”, well yes of cause they do… When they are lying or drunk! A narcissist will often mimic other peoples emotions, love is one of them, as they do not feel love it would most certainly be a lie, so these words are very difficult for them to say. They do come out a lot easier when they have had a few sherbets though.

“It’s not as good / nice / tasty / expensive as mine”

That new ring you have purchased, painting in the sitting room, Sunday dinner you have slaved over all morning… “Yes it was lovely, but I prefer the one I did a few weeks ago” Wow, look at that, a compliment and insult in the same sentence!

“Have you seen my new coat / ring / dress… It cost this much!”

We all know these people “Do you like my new dress for so and so’s wedding, It was £500 you know, I had the personal shopper at the store help me pick it out”. Narcissist’s think as they think, that you will be jealous and envious of them, the truth is no one likes a bragger, to get right up their nose say something like “oh yes that’s lovely, but I don’t think that color suits your skin tone”.

“I have just paid for that for you / bought you your dinner”

Narcissist’s will always throw situations where they paid for something back in your face, and they NEVER forget. A dinner date, birthday lunch, some food shopping because you are short that month. The truth is they don’t do it to be kind as any parent would, they do it because it gives them ammunition for the next argument. My advise is NEVER, EVER lend or accept money as a gift from a narcissist, they will always have a hold on you and will ALWAYS use it against you in future disputes!

“They are just copying off me”

Narcissist’s can be very petty and they really do think that people copy off them. The new dress the lady down the street was wearing is the same as theirs… They must have copied. Or maybe they just went into the same store!

“Just say if you don’t want me to visit, I won’t mind”

This is a good way for the narcissist to reinforce the fact that they are invited to your home. The truth is, they will mind, they will mind a lot. Think very carefully before you say “I am very busy, I would prefer it if you came round tomorrow” This will not go down well and could result in a weeks worth of sulking!

“I’m not inviting them… they aren’t family!”

This for me was always one I could never understand, a close niece, or a ’special’ friend of the narcissist’s for some reason might be alone on Christmas day or any other special occasion could just be cast aside and not invited because it’s ‘Family Only’. Just goes to show the narcissist has no empathy for others, even the people most close to them!

“I don’t deserve this / I don’t need this right now”

Chances are the narcissist has sparked up yet another petty argument, when you retaliate they turn it round by saying “I don’t deserve this” etc.. This is just another tactic to make you feel guilty and apologize yet again for something you haven’t done.

“Don’t speak to me like that”

Generally this is because you have retaliated to something they said to you first, well it works both ways. Don’t speak to me like that and I won’t speak to you like that back!

“It’s not what you say, it’s the tone of your voice”

This is a form of projection, it is actually narcissist’s that use voice tone to change the way things were said, they can make something you said sound as horrible as they want by changing the tone of their voice. This can be very frustrating when they are telling on you to your enabling father, making it sound 20 times worse than it really was. Oh here we go again, looks like I’m going to owe her another apology!

“She is not just my friend, she’s my special friend, we’re more like sisters”

Narcissist’s will only have a few friends, or maybe only one, but that friend will be a special friend, one that is like a sister. That way the narcissist can make her friend more important than yours. “Oh so and so might be your friend but bla bla is a special friend” Ultimately making your friend seem less important than hers.

“Oh I can’t remember, it was a long time ago / I’ve had a few sleeps since then”

Narcissist’s are like elephants, they NEVER forget. So to be told “I can’t remember” will be an out and out lie. Chances are you have asked them for their advise and as they will get nothing in return they are not willing to tell you or you have brought up something from the past that touches a nerve, it is easier for them to tell you they have forgotten than to have to explain their actions.

“They aren’t really ill, they are just putting it on”

Narcissist’s will never have sympathy for anyone, they just don’t have them emotions. Anyone who is ill, and has a day off work will be faking. When the shoe is on the other foot though the narcissist wants all the sympathy in the world. If you want to stay in their good books you had better ask them how they are doing, maybe a get well soon card will help!

“It’s not my fault”

Narcissist’s will never admit anything was their fault, even when they are backed into a corner they will say something like “I’m sorry I hurt your feelings, but it wasn’t meant to come across like that, it’s not my fault, your just over-sensitive”. The truth is, it probably was their fault, the easiest thing and the thing that will bother them the most is if you do not react, the reaction is what they are after.

“I swear on your life that’s how it happened”

This is generally a way of reinforcing a lie, most normal people would never swear on their children’s lives if something is not true, if at all. Not a narcissist though, swearing on peoples lives is the ultimate way to say “see, what I told you is true, it has to be I swore on your lives” This to me is a very disturbing act!

“I think you have made that up”

Ultimately this is the same as calling you a liar to your face. It is very annoying when someone tells you you are making something up when it is true, if you were a narcissist you would just swear on someone’s life, but as you don’t have that luxury you spend countless hours trying to explain why what you are saying is true. narcissist’s are by nature lairs, really good ones at that, but by projecting this onto you they are making you sound like the unstable one for making up stories!

“You have got such a good imagination / stop exaggerating”

Again something narcissist’s are very good at is making you sound crazy, narcissist’s can twist things into something they are not and make you believe it is all in your mind. This is called ‘gaslighting’ and can be very damaging and destructive abuse.

“I can’t remember doing/saying that”

Narcissist’s are very good at not facing up to something that was their fault, once confronted it can be very frustrating when they deny all knowledge it ever happened. Just remember, they remembered the £20 worth of shopping they bought you last year so chances are they remember saying that!

“I’m never wrong”

Come on, no one is ‘Never Wrong’, that saying just speaks for itself!

“What are you getting upset for”

The narcissist has just insulted you yet again with some snide remark, narcissist’s are emotional vampires and will try to upset you every chance they get. By asking you “What are you getting upset for” they are making the matter trivial, which it probably isn’t.

“Act your age”

This is another form of projection, usually it is the narcissist that is immature but by telling you to act your age it ‘projects’ it onto you. They will have you thinking ‘how did they turn that on to me’, very clever I know!

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Behind Closed Doors.me A site for adult children who have mothers with narcissistic personality disorder http://www.behindcloseddoors.me

When you translate the meaning of dreams according to the scientific method of dream interpretation you understand the wise messages contained in all dream images, even if they seem to be mere repetitions of what happens to you during your daily life. All images in dreams have a symbolic meaning, even when they seem to be mere reflections of your daily actions.

The known dream symbols show you the basic meaning of each dream. For example, the baby in dreams indicates a moral mistake. The baby represents a sin related to a love relationship, like betraying your partner with someone else, or having a relationship with someone who is already married.

Only by seeing a baby in a dream you already know that the unconscious mind is warning you that you must be careful and avoid making a serious moral mistake.

However, the dream story is also very important, so that you may understand why the unconscious mind is sending you this message and what you have to do. The dream story will give you explanations, based on the dream symbols.

For example, you had a dream where:

‘You saw a baby at your living room. Then, you were wondering how to feed the baby because you had never done it before.’

The dream story shows you that there is a moral mistake in an important part of your psyche (the living room). In other words, you are ready to make a sin.

You represent your ego in dreams. Your ego doesn’t know how to feed your moral mistake because you have never betrayed your partner before. However, you are about to make this sin.

In a few words, this dream is showing you that even though this is the first time that you are thinking about betraying your partner or having a relationship with someone who is already married, you are making a moral mistake the same way. It doesn’t matter if you were innocent up to this moment. Right now you are about to make a serious moral mistake that you must avoid.

At the same time, this dream is showing you that instead of avoiding what is bad, you are thinking about how to effectively make a sin (feed the baby).

Now, you have to think about what is happening to you and relate the unconscious messages to the issues you are facing in your daily life.

In this dream, the details of the dream story are represented by the fact that you were wondering how to feed the baby. This means that you don’t understand that you are ready to make a serious moral mistake, which you shouldn’t make.

The dream story is criticizing your attitude. You cannot see how wrong you are for desiring to make a moral mistake. You are thinking about how to effectively make a sin (without leaving clues), while you should think about avoiding it.

Christina Sponias continued Carl Jung’s research into the human psyche, discovering the cure for all mental illnesses, and simplifying the scientific method of dream interpretation that teaches you how to exactly translate the meaning of your dreams, so that you can find health, wisdom and happiness. Learn more at: http://www.scientificdreaminterpretation.com Click Here to download a Free Sample of the eBook Dream Interpretation as a Science (86 pages!).

Teenage pregnancy is a global problem with U.S.A., UK and Australia leading in rates of teenage pregnancies in the developed world

At a time when more money and time is being spent on education than ever before students’ drop out due to pregnancy becomes an issue of great concern to the nation. When a girl drops out of secondary school, the cost is often higher than when she drops out in primary school due to the cumulative expenditure over the years. The situation is worsened by the fact that the student leaves without a certificate unless she returns to complete school after delivery.

Despite the existence of the re-entry policy in many countries, most student-mothers still find it difficult to fit back into the school system after delivery. However, some resume but they face numerous challenges as they try to fit back into the schooling environment.

A girl has to work ten times harder to put her life back on the rails after becoming a mother before the recommended time. She has to fight stigma from her community and if she goes back to school, she faces even more discrimination from peers who have survived student pregnancy. They face rejection and are forced to abandon school. Life becomes a virtual struggle and putting up with the hostile environment at school is an uphill battle.

Student-mothers are normally not fully settled while at school and this adversely affects their social and academic life. They lack a great level of concentration in their academic work due to lack of ability to adequately manage parenting and schooling successfully at the same time.

The society also contributes to the woes of student mothers. It does not appreciate teenage pregnancy and children born out of wedlock. Considering that these student mothers are already in that state, most of them are worried over their future life for they are not sure about their fate in marriage.

Since the student mothers had become mothers while young and still in school they are stigmatized and so they tend to have low self esteem. Low self-esteem make them feel out of place especially when other students feel that they are not fit to be within the school system.

Lastly, student-mothers experience stigma from various sources. They are teased by fellow students, some parents and some teachers. Fellow students often verbally abuse these girls, making their participation in class to seem unwelcome. Teenage mothers are sometimes ridiculed in front of classmates by both teachers and other students whenever they do not satisfy the class requirements making them suffer from low self-esteem, fear and loneliness at school.

The return to school policy is a noble idea to help girls who would have otherwise dropped out of school because of pregnancy get a second chance to education. These girls need adequate support if they are to complete their secondary education and get access to higher education.

It is commonly thought that what people believe will influence their mood states. This meta-belief is widely accepted in the mental health sector with competing frameworks existing for how that connection between beliefs and mood states can be therapeutically exploited for good. This article describes two well-known systems and suggests an alternative.

Rational-Emotive Behavior Therapy

Rational-Emotive Behavior Therapy is a therapy developed by Albert Ellis (1913-2007) which was the earliest cognitive psychotherapy (1955). He developed his ABC model of mental disturbance which featured an Activating event, a Belief, and a Consequence.

Ellis presumed that between the activating event and the emotional consequence, illogical and irrational beliefs of a certain kind caused mental and emotional distress. In a nutshell, these major irrational beliefs were:

‘I absolutely must act in well in all situations and if I don’t I am a bad person and therefore deserving of punishment of some form’
‘Others absolutely must act well towards me and if they don’t then they are bad and therefore deserving of punishment’
‘Circumstances around me absolutely must go according to how I wish and desire and if not then it is terrible, awful, catastrophic and my life is hardly worth living’

It will be noticed that these three beliefs all incorporate ‘musts’ and ‘absolutes’ in their framework. Ellis believed that such extreme prescriptions for self, others and circumstances were irrational because they are god-like edicts and clearly humans are not gods. (Note: Ellis however was not a theist.)

His therapy method was confrontative and educative, helping clients to become their own therapists. For if they could understand that they were creating their own mental pain; if they could accept that they were repeating sentences like those above to themselves and so indoctrinating themselves to produce further upset then they would experience some relief fairly quickly.

However, Ellis emphasised that clients had to accept that they would have to continue to argue against the absolutist nature of these three types of beliefs if continued relief was to be felt.

Cognitive Therapy

Cognitive Therapy was proposed by A T Beck (b. 1921) in the early 1960s. Like Ellis, Beck also assumed that certain thoughts produced depression but unlike Ellis he developed a more collaborative method for dealing with disturbed thoughts.

Beck used a method of Socratic questioning that attempted to open up a client’s situation so that more options could be considered. For example, suppose someone was suffering depression because of failing an exam. Beck would say that it is not the exam failure that causes the depression but what the examinee is telling him/herself about it.

These thoughts could be statements such as ‘why can’t I do anything right?’, ‘I am a big failure’, ‘I am hopeless at school’, I’ve ruined my life prospects’ and a lot more besides.

Beck would tackle this situation using these three questions as set out in 1985:

What is the supporting evidence for the conclusion(s) held by the client?
What are other optional conclusions that could be reached using the same circumstances?
What will happen if the present conclusion held by the client is correct or true?

It is important to mention that Beck has developed his method extensively over decades and is open to the idea of eclectic, generic models. (Aaron T Beck is still alive and still teaching in 2012!)

Problems With Classical Cognitive Approaches

What troubles me about the advocacy of cognitive approaches for mood disorders is that people with depression are helped by other therapies that bear no relationship to cognitive ones. Doubtless, clients do feel better after cognitive-type therapies but that fact may suggest that non-specific elements of therapeutic relationships are the effective factors.

Moreover, the ‘faulty cognitions’ may not be the cause of depression but a part of the depression itself. Even that notion is questionable with some research showing that non-depressed persons have similar thoughts to depressed persons!

It should be noted that both these methods above make a common-sense distinction between the initial event and the evaluation of the event as if the ‘event’ and its perception by a person can be considered quite separately. (They also further distinguish the emotional response from the first two categories.)

Although that distinction seems valid because we know that different people can have the ’same event’ (say failing an exam) occur in their lives but not evaluate it the same way, but in that case, can we say it is actually the same event?

The abstractions of the above methods do not tally with our real experience of a failure situation. It is we who are in the situation of failure. The situation is not over there but we are in it.

An Alternative Therapeutic Approach

What if instead of trying to track down illogical or irrational beliefs therapists instead helped clients to accept the exam failure feelings as normal. So, to feel down after having failed an exam is normal because most people do.

What does cause problems and aggravates the situation is to think, imagine, act and believe that you’re unusual, stupid, deficient, imbecilic and backward to be thinking, believing and feeling the way you do about the failure. In doing that, a person judges himself to be no longer part of normal society.

Some instant relief is often felt if the counsellor talks empathically to clients and ‘normalises’ what they are experiencing.

Being told that it’s not so unusual to feel this way and to think certain things surrounding the failure could be therapeutic because it’s as if the therapist is inviting the client back into the world of normality.

Dr Ian R Ridgway is a Christian psychologist with 20 years experience in counselling and tertiary teaching. He relates the Christian faith to his vocation to assist others by developing a quality relationship built on trust and unconditional acceptance of the client (though not necessarily of all s/his behaviour). He provides an individual professional service as set out at http://psy-services.yolasite.com

This is a three-part article where I first examine the similarities in nature and in humans to determine where it is humans fail to understand depression and its function as a vital component to survival. Then I discuss the dangers in misunderstanding depression’s role as a warning system to alert humans it is time to rest and to forgive. Last, I add commentary and make some suggestions as to what can be done to save depression from reaching the chronic stage.

Part one:

What is the Matter with Humans?

It is sufficient to say that most people appear driven by some unseen force or (“natural law”) that causes them to hurry to get to where they are going fast, and we always seek the most convenient mode of transportation (path of least resistance) to get us there with the least amount of stress as possible. When humans meet up with difficulty, we immediately stress about it, and when stress reaches critical mass, the weak, or (“hyper sensitive”) become depressed and as a result sometimes because of lateral damage they die. What drives nature is another “unseen force” that we call natural law, and similar to convenience in humans, nature always takes the “path of least resistance”. When nature, again similar to humans, meets up with difficulty, stress becomes evident, and once again like humans, when the stress level reaches critical mass, the weak (under nourished) succumb to depression (energy loss) and eventually dies. In light of the above paragraph, we can say that it is the “weak” that fall behind because of stress introduced to an otherwise easy way around things, and it appears to make no difference whether it is humans or nature trying to get from one point to another.

The consistency of point is; some are equipped with something that permits them to continue regardless of difficulty, and that stress is the precursor for depression. We will deal with nature next, but now, and where in humans depression is vital to survival in the way that it is the body’s way of dealing with excessive stress, and how this becomes evident by the fact that humans are natural beings, and the human body, like nature, consistently seeks equilibrium. The point of consistency now changes to something not found in nature, but is prevalent and pervasive in humans and it is the serving the seven deadly sins or “desire”. What does serving desire have to do with stress and depression? This is just too easy a question to answer and so I will not answer it but to say that it is obvious. How do we eliminate desire from our daily diet? By holding within, the intent to “satisfy” our basic needs and recognize them as first, and foremost, important, and to be content with the simpler that things life has to offer. Doing this, while appreciating that we have the life saving warning signs and symptoms associated with depression to alert us that we are in need of rest or forgiveness, which forgiveness is type or a form of equilibrium.

Part two:

Dangers of Misunderstanding Depression

Nature always takes the path of least resistance while the modern day human does not always follow this natural law or rule of survival. At present, in diagnosing a person experiencing excessive stress that leads to depressive moods and anxiety, in many cases it is reported to the patient that his/her body is “shutting down”. Upon hearing this diagnosis, and given the prognosis of possibly having to live with and accept that one has a “mental illness” which could lead to a life of medication and therapy, the patient now must deal with imagined fears. All of this dire news does exacerbate the primary cause and adds concern. When imagined fear enters into the mind of a person recently diagnosed with chronic depression and severe anxiety, all future events have the extra burden that such a dreadful diagnosis and prognosis will supply, and, the subsequent treatment becomes adjacent to the primary cause only serving the patient with even more unnatural stress to the systems. As the patient must now struggle with more demands placed upon them that they must remember to follow through and consistently take medications, monitor activity, and deal with the “stigma” of mental illness.

Part three:

What can we do to protect ourselves from reaching the chronic stages of depression?

Equilibrium comes in many forms, and, it is in nature, including humans. All organisms seek to establish and sustain balance, or (“homeostasis”), and balance is “demanded” by the bodies of all living organisms in order to continue living with consistency. The main point here is living with consistency, and it is simply that through consciously seeking balance, equilibrium is established and homeostasis is the result. The question remains and it is, “how does one achieve this apparently difficult task? The answer, by seeking to understand the true meaning, intent, and definition of forgiveness as that which is observable in nature, as nature does provide us with many clues as to how we humans should conduct even our personal and social affairs.

http://www.editnse.org/

http://knowdepression.ucoz.com/forum

Abstract:

I wonder in and out of existence – drifting through life unnoticed by the world – yet I am! People acknowledge me yet do not see me – they say hello but as if the person in front of them is but a fleeting image, I do not call attention to myself but will respond to, if called upon to do so. It is as if I am not really there – if I disappeared altogether would anyone remember me? If someone did think of me would be as a, “what ever happened to what’s-her-name?” Sometimes I wonder, what is the point of me – why not just cease to exist – after all I am just the, “Invisible Girl”. In this article we will look at the therapeutic intervention to help the teenager who feels so desperate they would rather be dead than invisible.

Introduction:

In the history of psychotherapy this phenomenon is hardly noticed or mentioned – the fact of psychological invisibility. Only Eric Berne (1960’s) recognized in his work with Transactional Analysis, that such a state exists. Yet many young teenagers would tell you they recognize the abstract passage above very well. They know the meaning of being invisible to their parents, teachers and those few friends they manage to make. How do you become “invisible” to others, not noticed, not counted, not considered – yet there you are?

Everyone might recognize this state of being as despair – that feeling we get when life seems pointless and there are no sources of satisfaction or purpose to our lives. For many teenagers particularly girls not being noticed can have serious psychological repercussions to our self-esteem and general well-being.

How does the teenager get to this point? For some it is being average! Those times when you get a school report card that constantly tells you – that you are below or just above average. What does that message mean to the teenager – I am nothing special, just one of the crowd, not an achiever but not a failure either. I am just average – just part of the masses that inhabit this planet and struggle through life. I am going to grow up and do those meaningless jobs that only the average can get and survive with another average person to make a life. Not a very inspiring message and in a society where we are constantly being told through the media that being special, being someone is what it is all about. The cult of celebrity has left many averages thinking well if only you get that special break, that once in a lifetime opportunity even an average person can be someone. Talents shows, fame shows, contests, blogging scandal can all get you noticed. For example in China a mother desperate for fame for herself filmed her young teenage daughter showering and dressing and placed it on the net – the next thing they are celebrities, on talk shows, hosts and in the limelight. The price they paid was being actually hated by the public – but what did that matter now. Miss Below-Average was a somebody – even if as Andy Warhol says for fifteen minutes of fame!

So how does the young person become invisible in the first place? Her parents are nice people, they say hello to her, but carry on with their own things, the girl comes home from school and drifts into her bedroom to switch on the computer and chat to imaginary friends who she has never met all of it on line. On line people promise to meet but rarely do and probably for a teenage girl to dangerous to meet the many men trawling the net for easy prey. However even a perverts attention for a while is better than nothing at all. At school she sits in the class, Miss Average, and listens between daydreaming, she does just enough to get by, answers the questions the teacher asks but never puts her hand up to volunteer anything useful. Other students know she is there but do not think about her, she is just her, others in the class maybe more interesting, the Mr. Disturber, the Mr. Look-At-Me, the Miss Show-off, the Mr. Fool, all of who are more interesting. So she observes but does not join in. Outside the class she is in a group, not a leader or a follower but just part of the scenery. Someone else is making the decisions and she goes along.

Once a teenager finds themselves in this position of invisibility it is very hard to move out of that state. If she suddenly became the centre of attention her first instinct is to hide. Deflect the attention to someone else more deserving than her. Discount any comments that might mean she is pretty, desirable or bright. This cannot be her as know one has ever seen her that way and she has never seen herself that way. She feels she is average looking, average build and of average interest.

Psychologically the invisible girl feels emotional less in many situations. That first try at kissing a boy has no impact in her. It is ok, a little pleasurable but not anything that wonderful. She wonders why her friends get all excited about boys but she feels very little except some vague interest.

Things happen to the invisible girl rather than her being active in her world. Parents make decisions and inform her, friends decide where to go and tell her, others expect her to just go-along with things. She has no control over her life. She is like all teenagers dependent on parents for money, permissions and direction. When asked what you want in life – she has a notion about something but nothing concrete as she feels she does not have permission to think.

How does the invisible girl end up in the counselor’s office? One day the invisible teenager decides that life is pointless, no one sees them and therefore what is the point. They have reached the position of futility. At this point they attempt to take their own life. A suicide attempt is one way of becoming noticed at last. In the girls mind the idea forms of punishing those who do not see my by my death. Then they will regret they did not see me. They will wonder what happened to their little sweet average girl.

Therapeutic Intervention

Insight therapy of any kind here is a useful tool to help the teenager reconnect to the world and see that they have a sense of purpose and that while they feel invisible they are in fact have learned to hide. To be invisible protects your from hurt, rejection, achieving or failing and taking a risk of living. For these reasons and others the therapist needs to establish an attentive stance with the client. Make sure as a therapist you never shift your attention from the client to other aspects, such as glancing at the time (client thinks oh they want me to go) or writing without eye contact (I am just a case study and not a person) they need your full attention until they have the confidence to understand that they can give themselves what they need.

In Transactional Analysis this starts with a discussion about permissions. Giving the client permission to be visible and to explore the repercussions of that action of being seen. Many of the problems with the invisible girl can be seen in the parental style of growing up with all sorts of injunctions that say the word, don’t, a lot. For example: don’t be you – messages from parents (and others) that tell you to behave, sit up straight, be polite, be this, be that. It is as if what you are is not important but what others think you are is. Don’t be a child – grow up – a common comment from parents. Yet when are we allowed to be the age we are – to play – to be foolish – to be free. Instead we are to be controlled and told how to feel and how to think. Don’t make it – this message comes from when we achieve something and people tell us to be modest, not to shout about it, that we are showing off, it is as if our achievement is an embarrassment to others. This is close to the next one, Don’t be Important, we hear the message as; who do you think you are? Don’t be Close, you are not supposed to be emotional, stop crying, buck up, be brave, be strong, we do not hug or kiss here. We do not talk about love. Don’t Think – we will think for you, you do not have to worry it is all taken care of – why do you want to know? Finally there is just, Don’t – do not take risks in life, keep your head down, be one of the crowd and be safe. Mediocrity is the message we end up with and so become as our parents wish, we are no trouble, we are average, we are controlled, we are behaved, and we are – invisible.

Permissions in therapy are the counter to these injunctions. You can be alive, you can be yourself, you can have fun, you can be your age, you can make it b e successful, you can have needs and ask for what you want, you can stay around and belong in the way that suits you, you can be physically and emotionally close to others, you can be healthy and accept compliments from others, you can think for yourself and make your own decisions, you can take risks and survive emotionally. Finally you can be visible and safe.

It takes at least ten sessions or more to work through the injunctions the teenager has learned and the permissions they can accept as workable. Remember to involve some parental training here. Parents who do not understand the teenagers need to feel some control over their lives with not support the permissions but in fact strengthen the injunctions and put in place even more control particularly after a suicide attempt. The parents become hype vigilant and sensitive the every nuance of the teenager’s behavior.

Summery:

The invisible girl is drifting through life thinking no-one can save her from this desperate plight into obscurity. It often manifests as depression and is treated with drugs – but the real cure for the invisible girl is to be noticed. To be shown and re-parented in a new way. To be given permission to be someone different. To be visible to be loved and most of all to know she can be more than just average if she chooses to be. Although I have talked about mainly a girl here of course many boys can have similar experiences. All this can happen in the wonderful world of a therapeutic genuine relationship.

Words = 1812

Dr. Stephen Myler is from Leicester in England, an industrial town in the Midlands of the United Kingdom. He holds a B.Sc (Honours) in Psychology from the UK’s Open University the largest in the UK; he also has an M.Sc and Ph.D in Psychology from Knightsbridge University in Denmark. In addition to this Stephen holds many diplomas and awards in a variety of academic areas including journalism, finance, teaching and advanced therapy for mental health. Stephen has as a Professor of Psychology many years teaching experience in colleges and universities in England and China to post 16 young adults, instructing in psychology, sociology, English, marketing and business. He has been fortunate to travel extensively from Australia to Africa to the United Sates, South America, Borneo, most of Europe and Russia. Stephen’s favourite hobby is the study of primates and likes to play badminton. He believes that students who enjoy classes with humour and enthusiasm from the teacher always come back eager to learn more.

Light represents the truth in dreams. This meaning was discovered by Carl Jung. The light is represented by two different dream symbols: the sunlight, and the light of a lamp.

I continued Jung’s research, discovering the meaning of many dream symbols that he couldn’t translate. Today you can immediately understand the hidden unconscious messages in all dreams. The vision I’m giving you about the meaning of dreams surpasses the limited vision of my teacher. Jung taught me everything about the meaning of dreams and our mental health, but the unconscious mind that produces our dreams gave me more lessons.

At a certain point I had to abandon Jung’s psychotherapeutical method and disagree with his last conclusions. I started following only the unconscious guidance. The unconscious mind has a divine origin and works like a doctor. The unconscious psychotherapy surpasses any psychotherapy that comes from ignorant human minds.

The lessons I’m giving you don’t come from my ignorant mind but were taught by the unconscious mind that works also like a teacher. This means that the unconscious mind showed me the meaning of many dream symbols, giving me lessons about the dream language in my own dreams.

The unconscious mind will give you many lessons about the matters of your interest the same way. You only have to learn the dream language in order to reap all the benefits you can have for being guided by the unconscious wisdom.

The light of the sun is the light of truth because the sun is a powerful source, which enlightens our planet. Whenever you see the sunlight in dreams, this means that you can see the real truth. You are not eluded by illusions. This is a positive dream symbol.

You will see the light of the sun in a dream whenever you’ll pass through a process of psychotherapy through dream translation and better understand your reality.

You will usually see yourself wearing sunglasses in a dream with the sunlight, what this means that you are protected for facing the real truth. The sunlight hurts your eyes. Your eyes need protection. The sunglasses complete the positive meaning of the dream scene where you see the sunlight, in other words, the real truth.

The truth many times is painful. This is why you need protection when you learn the real truth. The truth is ugly, but it brings salvation. Only after facing the truth as it is can you correct your mistakes and stop doing what is negative for you. When you ignore the truth you are eluded by dangerous lies and misleading suppositions.

Now I’m going to show you the meaning of the light of a lamp by using a part of the dream submitted by a 35- 45 years old man for a professional dream translation. I cannot show you the entire dream or tell you more details of the dreamer’s life biography. However, the translation of this part of his dream will give you a practical lesson about the meaning of the light of a lamp:

‘Somebody it looks like my aunt goes to turn off the lights’

Dream Translation:

You must tell me how you characterize your aunt so that I may understand what part of your personality she represents. Your own opinion about her is what matters, not what other people think about her.

The darkness in dreams means that there are many things that you ignore.

The fact that the part of your personality represented by your aunt turned off the lights indicates that this part of your personality is trying to show you that there are many things that you ignore.

The lights of a restaurant are the lights of a lamp. The light of a lamp in dreams represents the false truth based on the ignorance of our under-developed and one-sided human conscience. Therefore, this part of your personality put an end to the false truth you were seeing, because you were seeing only what was enlightened by the lights of the restaurant’s lamps.

You represent your ego in dreams. Your ego is the center of your conscience and controls your behavior, unless you’ll let your anti-conscience (wild conscience) control your behavior for accepting to do what is bad.

This part of your personality that turned off the restaurant’s light was showing you that you must not lose your faith because you think based on what your idiotic human conscience knows. You see only the false truth of the ignorant human conscience.

Now you know how to translate the meaning of light in dreams. Whenever you’ll identify the dream symbols represented by the sunlight, the sunglasses, or the light of lamps, you will be able to understand the unconscious message in this part of the dream. You should learn the dream language, so that you may be able to understand all the hidden messages contained in a dream.

Christina Sponias continued Carl Jung’s research into the human psyche, discovering the cure for all mental illnesses, and simplifying the scientific method of dream interpretation that teaches you how to exactly translate the meaning of your dreams, so that you can find health, wisdom and happiness. Learn more at: http://www.scientificdreaminterpretation.com Click Here to download a Free Sample of the eBook Dream Interpretation as a Science (86 pages!).

Recurring dreams prove that dreams have a meaning. They are not a collection of images projected without organization. The repetition of the same dream images and topics clearly indicate that there is an intention for the projection of these images. If they were a product of chance they wouldn’t be always the same, or reflect similar scenes.

Carl Jung discovered that all dreams are produced by the unconscious mind, which has a mysterious origin and functioning. The unconscious mind works like a natural doctor. Its messages reflect the mistakes made by the dreamer under the influence of his/her anti-conscience.

The anti-conscience is the wild side of the human conscience, which I could discover after continuing Carl Jung’s research into the unknown region of the human psyche through dream translation. The anti-conscience’s evil and absurd nature is totally different from the nature of our human conscience, which respects goodness and loves happiness. However, our tiny human conscience cannot fight the powerful anti-conscience without the unconscious guidance.

In order to acquire sound mental health your tiny human conscience must follow the unconscious guidance in dreams. This is how you’ll manage to avoid the anti-conscience’s traps and eliminate your primitive conscience through consciousness. This is a process carried on through dream therapy.

The unconscious mind will show you in your dreams which psychological functions are not working in your human conscience and how you can transform their wild nature into human nature. This means that you will start seeing various details in your reality that today you disregard. This vision will help you consciously understand their existence and their actuation. This is how you will eliminate your primitive conscience and develop your human conscience.

You will have recurring dreams a long time before facing a tragic experience, so that you may have the chance to prevent what will be bad for you. By sending you repetitive dreams about the same things, the unconscious mind tries to make you pay attention to a certain obligation that you keep postponing. This obligation is always related to your personal evolution.

Even if you believe that you are a normal person, there are too many dangers constantly threatening your mental stability:

* You have inherited an absurd and evil wild conscience, which occupies the biggest part of your brain. The anti-conscience is evil, cruel, violent, and immoral. Its terrible nature is the tragic result of the accidental and disorganized formation of the first live conscience.

* Your tiny human conscience is one-sided and under-developed. You are using only one of the four psychological functions you have at your disposal (thoughts, feelings, sensations, intuition). The psychological functions that are not well-developed in your human conscience belong to your anti-conscience.

These psychological functions must be developed through consciousness. This means that you must understand and correct the mistakes of these components of your personality because they belong to your wild side. In other words, they are violent, immature, and idiotic.

* You live in a world ruled by terror, violence, immorality, and greed. There is no justice on Earth. Nobody knows what is sane or insane. This chaotic situation influences your behavior, besides influencing your thoughts.

* The mindset of your civilization is absurd because it is based on the concepts generated by violence and immorality. Most people are constantly influenced or controlled by their anti-conscience. This is why violence is applauded everyday in your world.

Children play games with violent heroes who kill monsters, teens wear T-shirts with the design of a skull, and almost all movies on TV are about assaults, the police, murders, and various dangerous adventures. On the other hand, prostitution, homosexuality, and child sexual abuse are common facts in our world.

You need the unconscious guidance in your dreams so that you may overcome the dangers of the world and fight the absurdity of your wild conscience. You’ll never be able to face so many problems alone, or escape your anti-conscience’s traps.

If you have recurring dreams this means that you are avoiding a serious obligation because your anti-conscience and the superficiality of the world are influencing your behavior.

If you won’t do what you should already have done, at a certain point you won’t have the chance to prevent what will be bad for you and your life. Recurring dreams are serious warnings that must make you take action without wasting time.

The unconscious mind sends you recurring dreams a long time before you’ll face serious problems because it is not a simple matter to avoid the anti-conscience’s traps. The same way, it is not a simple matter to protect your sanity in a crazy world. You need time in order to understand what is bad and in order to correct what is wrong.

Christina Sponias continued Carl Jung’s research into the human psyche, discovering the cure for all mental illnesses, and simplifying the scientific method of dream interpretation that teaches you how to exactly translate the meaning of your dreams, so that you can find health, wisdom and happiness. Learn more at: http://www.scientificdreaminterpretation.com Click Here to download a Free Sample of the eBook Dream Interpretation as a Science (86 pages!).

The dream images are the unconscious words. The unconscious mind that produces your dreams is your natural doctor. Therefore, it shows you the mistakes of your conscience, and it reflects the influence of your wild conscience (anti-conscience) into your human conscience.

I’m going to teach you how to scientifically interpret a dream by showing you a few important techniques of the secret unconscious language in dreams.

1. The first technique used by the unconscious mind is the use of dream symbols in order to give you important messages (which are quite long) in a compact form.

For example, the appearance of the snake in a dream already gives you a very important message by itself. The snake is showing you that you will suffer because you are making a serious mistake, and you must stop making it. Something very unpleasant in your daily life will oblige you to stop making this mistake forever.

If you are intelligent, you will think about your daily life and understand what mistake you are making. Then, you’ll stop making it, before being punished by the consequences of your negligence.

You’ll also care about learning the dream language and translating all the details of your dream. The wise unconscious mind will show you how to avoid suffering. You only have to follow the unconscious guidance in your dreams in order to find solutions to all problems.

2. The second technique used by the unconscious mind is the formation of a story with a double meaning in a dream. The dream scenes follow a different logic but they seem to follow the logic of your conscience.

Your conscience ignores the dream language the same way that your anti-conscience ignores it, but you can learn how to understand the unconscious language in your dreams thanks to Carl Jung’s method of dream interpretation and thanks to my simplifications. Ancient civilizations could understand the meaning of their dreams before Jung’s discoveries. The dream language is based on sanctity.

Therefore, in order to understand the meaning of dreams you must follow the unconscious logic, besides learning the meaning of the most important dream symbols, like the snake. This is necessary because the unconscious mind has to hide the information it is giving to your human conscience from your evil anti-conscience.

The double meaning of the dream story is based on the creation of a story that seems to fit into your daily reality and belong to the logic of your human conscience. This first version of the story is a covering that misleads your anti-conscience.

At the same time, the unconscious mind creates a second version of the same story behind the first one, which you can understand when you translate the symbolic meaning of the dream images, while following the unconscious logic.

For example, you are in a farm when you see a snake in a dream. Then, the dream scene changes, and you see yourself climbing a mountain. The first, apparent dream story is a description of what happens to you while you are outdoors.

However, the second version of the dream story is the most important one because it reveals the real meaning of this dream. By learning the second version of this story you will understand the hidden unconscious messages.

When you climb a mountain in dreams, this means that you are accepting to face an important life challenge that will help you evolve.

You have to relate this information to the first dream image, so that you may understand the unconscious messages.

The snake represents a bad event that will put an end to one of your mistakes. Since you saw that you were climbing a mountain after seeing the snake, this means that you have to face an important life challenge in order to avoid passing through a bitter experience that will put and end to a serious mistake. This is the real meaning of this dream.

3. The third technique used by the unconscious mind is to link all the dream images even though they seem to be unrelated according to the logic followed by our conscience. The unconscious mind uses each dream image in order to give you an important message, and all dream images together give you a general important message.

The unconscious mind gives you information about all dangers, in order to help you prevent what is bad. The value of the unconscious messages in your dreams is basically protective.

When you’ll manage to eliminate your anti-conscience and have a clear mind, the dream messages will help you evolve. You won’t need to have warnings about your anti-conscience’s interference. This means that you won’t have nightmares or recurring dreams. Your dreams will give you important lessons and reflect future predictions. You will have the chance to prepare the future results you desire and attain higher levels of knowledge.

Christina Sponias continued Carl Jung’s research into the human psyche, discovering the cure for all mental illnesses, and simplifying the scientific method of dream interpretation that teaches you how to exactly translate the meaning of your dreams, so that you can find health, wisdom and happiness. Learn more at: http://www.scientificdreaminterpretation.com Click Here to download a Free Sample of the eBook Dream Interpretation as a Science (86 pages!).

You may wonder why the ancient Greeks used to write and play many tragedies in their theaters. Why did they write these stories about horrors and losses? The answer to this question will help you understand the mystery behind dreams.

The attention given by the ancient Greeks to the tragedies of life was not the result of chance, and it didn’t mean that they liked tragedies. They were not absurd. They used to analyze what was tragic in order to prevent terror.

Although terror is a horrible topic that we always want to avoid, ancient Greeks understood that we have to analyze what is bad if we want to prevent misfortunes. If we don’t pay attention to what is bad, we cannot prevent suffering.

For example, if you had never heard about crimes on Earth, you wouldn’t know that a crime can happen at any time. The knowledge you have about what happens in your world protects you from what is bad. Since you know that you are in danger, you don’t do many things that you would probably have done if you didn’t know that something bad could happen to you.

Ancient Greeks understood that they should analyze the horrible side of their reality in order to avoid making costly mistakes that cannot be corrected. You should follow their example. This is not a pessimistic mindset. This is a realistic mindset that will protect you from suffering.

After continuing Carl Jung’s research into the unknown region of the human psyche through dream interpretation I discovered that most people in our world are influenced or completely controlled by their wild and evil anti-conscience. The anti-conscience is our animal conscience, which didn’t evolve like our human side. It is a wild killer; like a shark.

Most people in our world are not really human exactly because they are controlled by their animal side, which is stronger than they human side. The anti-conscience occupies the biggest part of our brain.

This means that there are many sharks everywhere. They wear human masks, while they are not human; they are dangerous animals that can think, but that have no human feelings.

The unconscious mind that produces your dreams shows you this bitter truth because it is your protector. This knowledge protects you from facing tragedies in life as a victim of the evilness of others, or as a victim of the absurdity you have inherited in your brain.

You must be very serious and pay attention to your reality.

When you are born, you are eluded by many lies. However, as you grow up you see that our world is a living hell. Money is adored like a god. Selfishness and hypocrisy characterize the human behavior. Therefore, you forget your moral principals and the religious lessons you had when you were a child. You understand that first of all, you have to care about your own interests.

You believe that you are obliged to act like everybody else in order to survive in a world where everyone is selfish, and everyone is an actor. This way, you let your wild and primitive conscience, the terrible anti-conscience, completely control your behavior. You become a selfish monster.

You must be careful with your attitude in life because you have inherited evilness and absurdity in your brain and psyche. The anti-conscience is an absurd demon. However, it can think and pretend that it follows a certain logic. The anti-conscience’s logic seems to be logical, but it is based on absurd criteria.

The unconscious mind that produces your dreams shows you in the dream images everything that your anti-conscience is doing against you. You are the human being concentrated into the human side of your conscience, which has human characteristics like forgiveness, compassion, patience, generosity, and sincerity.

As you follow the unconscious guidance in your dreams, you become a sensitive human being and a genius. You acquire total consciousness. This means that you use in a positive way the brain power that your anti-conscience is using against you.

You become mature, serious, and wise. You stop making mistakes, and you learn how to always do what will surely be good for you.

You attain spiritual perfection. Your conscience is always clean.

Therefore, you find sound mental health, peace, love, and happiness. You also help the world find salvation. Your work gives inspiration to the new generations. Your real example generates hope, courage, and true motivation.

Christina Sponias continued Carl Jung’s research into the human psyche, discovering the cure for all mental illnesses, and simplifying the scientific method of dream interpretation that teaches you how to exactly translate the meaning of your dreams, so that you can find health, wisdom and happiness. Learn more at: http://www.scientificdreaminterpretation.com Click Here to download a Free Sample of the eBook Dream Interpretation as a Science (86 pages!).