Who Writes the Cheques?
Have you ever wished you could read peoples’ minds? I guess that’s a silly question in a way; we’ve all wished we could do this in the past. Just imagine having the power to read them like a book. You’d know what they think about you or a subject in conversation; you’d know their feelings too. Just imagine – if you will for a second or two – what you could do with this insight. Many people dream of being telepathic. Scientists spend years researching ESP and the like. I say, forget all that stuff, there’s a much more reliable way right under your nose and anyone can do it…
I’m talking about ‘nonverbal communication’, better known as body language. Body language allows us to gain valuable insight into peoples’ thoughts and feelings simply by noting their posture and movements. It’s that easy I promise you. Humans (like many animals) seem to conform to a certain code of movements that are consistent with there current frame of mind. When understood, this has all kinds of applications, including courtship, sales interviewing (any kind of face to face selling), beating other people at card games, conducting business meetings, job interview skills and many more.
In this Bodyspy series of articles, we’ll be taking a closer look at peoples’ body language in given situations and relating it to what might be on their minds. Each time we decode a body gesture we build on a mental image of that person’s frame of mind (a mental jigsaw puzzle would be a good analogy). We need to continually note each gesture to build a reliable image; noting solitary gestures is hazardous and simply will not do. This is because one gesture may contradict the next or the previous gesture. We must fit each gesture’s meaning into the puzzle and stick with the meanings that run consistent and trash the misfits. A reliable image can only be found by basing each assumption we make on the previous assumption in this way. This may seem tough at first, but you’ll get the hang of it as we continue through each situation.
Each month we’ll look at a different situation through a fictional story that concentrates mainly on the body language of the characters within the story. This month’s story is slightly shorter as I’ve had to include some explanation, though over the next six months or so we’ll be looking at full-length stories depicting all kinds of situations. We’ll discuss many topics including courtship and job interviews. In this month’s story we join Sid, an insurance salesman who’s going to sell one of his policies to Mr and Mrs Jackson. Like many sales people, Sid has researched body language as it is a highly valued sales tool in face to face selling. We will assume Sid to be of Bodyspy statues; the Jacksons are not. In fact, the Jacksons know zilch about body language and could not possibly conceive how someone – like Sid – could use their body language to his advantage…
The door swung open and Mr Jackson stepped forward into the doorway of his home. “Sid Samuel from Small Print Insurance,” said Sid. “Pleased to meet you,” said Mr Jackson and offered his hand for Sid to shake. The palm was face down. Better accept graciously Sid thought – after all, it’s all money in the pot! Sid was then ushered into the living room by Mr Jackson. Mrs Jackson was waiting inside, sitting on the sofa. The room was large, extravagantly decorated and well furnished. Sid quickly observed the seats as he walked across to greet Mrs Jackson; she was already being introduced by her husband. “This is my wife, Jane, bla, bla, bla…” Sid had heard it all many times before. She stood and offered her hand. Sid grasped it and pumped. It was limp! Another dead fish thought Sid, ‘if I get another today I’ll puke.’ Many amateurs in body language think that dead fish handshakes denote weakness of character, but Sid knew better than to take this at face value. These people are book browsers and generally slip up when practising their randomly gleaned knowledge.
“Take a seat,” Mr Jackson said. “Which seat should I sit in?” asked Sid, (an important question for a sales person to ask when in someone’s home). Mr Jackson gestured to a seat across the room with his right hand – which was palm down – and retorted, “That one.” The gesture was dominant; the handshake had been too. Now Mr Jackson was giving the impression of being territorial. He obviously didn’t want an insurance salesman sitting in his seat. In his mind, Sid was wagering that this man would have the ego to match.
Sid sat down; as he did so the Jacksons followed. He had been called to the house after his office had received a ‘phone call from Mr Jackson regarding home insurance. He began by briefly talking about his company, their products and the benefits of doing business with him. As he spoke he watched the couple – who were sitting on the sofa – like a hawk.
On the face of it, Mr Jackson certainly seemed dominant, so it seemed that he could make the decisions – maybe? The couple’s seating posture was a match (copied); crossed legs, hands lightly clenched in lap. Both were defensive, but most people sit in a defensive posture. Sid needed more input. Who was the key person? Who writes the cheques?
Sid finished his spiel and began to rustle through his portfolio of papers. He pulled out a copy of the policy that he had in mind for the couple. He twisted the papers around so that the couple could see them and lent forward at the same time. He did not take his eyes off the Jacksons. Mrs Jackson was the first to break her defensive posture and leaning forward to look closer at the policy. She was followed by Mr Jackson, who shifted his focus from Sid to the papers; matching his wife’s posture as he did so. Interesting Sid mused: this was the stuff he was watching for!
Sid explained the policy; he used a pen to point at the various figures and criteria. His eyes flicked backwards and forwards between his clients and the paperwork. Mr Jackson was doing most of the talking, but it was mostly hot air. Mrs Jackson was listening intently; Sid noted her slightly tilted head. In contrast, Mr Jackson’s head was stuck in neutral; he was more concerned with his image and most likely regarded the policy with indifference.
Sid twisted one leg slightly so that both the knee and his foot pointed directly at the wife. As he spoke each sentence, he began by looking at Mrs Jackson, then at Mr Jackson. By the time he finished each sentence, his eyes were fixed on the wife. From time to time, she’d ask the odd question, gesturing with open palms as she spoke. Each time Sid answered he copied her hand gestures, being sure to expose his palms to her. It was all too easy really – after all he’d played a similar hand five times today already! It’s like reeling out a fishing line with bate on the hook to catch a big fish, Sid thought. Ten minutes later, the sale was made. Sid had been right: the wife writes the cheques.
SUMMARY
In many households there is usually one member who takes the lead in business responsibilities. Things are seldom equal in business, and Sid’s presentation would be most effective when aimed at the right person, as long as the husband was not ignored. Sid made it look like he was being included. That was the cleaver point; the sales pitch was aimed at the wife, but the husband had to feel included. Sid needed him on side if the sale was to be made. Sid had surmised that she was his key figure by watching the nonverbal communication. Speech only adds up to 7% of the communication in a face to face encounter. As for the husband, his dominant attitude (or front) served to make him feel good when the wife really had control. Providing he wasn’t agitated, he’d roll over and go “Woof!”.
Derek Pell is author of Bodyspy, a body language training manual presented with over 170 illustrations which will help in your understanding of this series (and understanding of those you interact with in your own life). To obtain your copy, please go to http://www.bodyspyteachings.com/ and complete the online process. This will take only a few moments of your time and costs just $19.70USD (Approx £12.50GBP). Guarantee: in the unlikely event that you do not find Bodyspy outstanding value for money, you may contact us at the address given on the site and receive a full refund within 60 days of purchase.